New Ranking Categorizes 'A24' Actors By How Badly They'd Lose In A Fistfight

Reader, have you ever sat down to watch an A24 film, Midsommar, Uncut Gems, or every art school student's favorite highly-pretentious art-house pick, The Bling Ring, and began wondering exactly if and/or how'd you'd respectively fare against the dude in a bear costume, Adam Sandler, and that one guy smoking a bowl to Ester Dean's “Drop it Low” in a fistfight? In what is a true spiritual successor to the infamous “food mascots and whether or not I'd be able to kick their ass” line plot …

… it seems one hipste -- sorry, A24 superfan, has taken it upon themselves to create a chart of the entertainment company's leading men, divided by which actors they could personally pummel. “Here’s my tier list of A24 actors i can probably beat up in a fight,” read the post first appearing on the private Facebook page, A24 Film Group, according to The Cut. “I do think Chalamet has a height advantage over me but I can still snap him like a twig. Great actor."

Since appearing on the page earlier this month, the categorization has since gone viral in reposts on Twitter and Instagram, with fans sharing their very strong opinions on the matter, dissecting why The Naked Brothers Band superstar turned horror film staple, Alex Wolff, (who is likely inadvertently referenced by his older sibling's name in the post) is no one to eff with … 

… remaking the chart from scratch …

… proposing a new wildcard category …

… and acknowledging that Willem Dafoe of The Florida Project and Lighthouse is not named Willem Dafriend for a very good reason. 

Even Oscar-nominated actor LaKeith Stanfield of Uncut Gems sounded off on the matter, making some pointed remarks regarding his classification under “fight is a draw”. “I should for sure be in nope im running tbh, but alas,” the actor captioned the chart, which has since garnered more than 167,000 likes. 

With its newly minted celebrity endorsement, several other actors from within the A24 extended universe gave their two cents on the creation. “I genuinely think I could beat up anyone who would take the time to make a list like this,” said newly-reformed James Franco apologist and star of The Disaster Artist, Seth Rogen on Stanfield's post.

Actress Thandiwe Newton, who recently revealed we'd been misspelling her name for decades, also wasn't entirely on board with the assessment either. “Where are the women? You’re too scared that’s why,” replied the Westworld actress “What’s wrong with me wanting to have a fantasy wrestle with Lakeith? I love how peeps think I’m being critical when I’m only playing,” she added in a subsequent comment. Joking or not, Newton has a point – as The Cut noted, Spring Breakers's pink unicorn bacalava-clad leading ladies from could kick every single one of these men's asses, the gentle piano medley from Britney Spears's “Everytime" scoring each likely gruesome beating. Happy binge viewing, friends. 

For more internet nonsense, follow Carly on Instagram @HuntressThompson_ on TikTok @HuntressThompson_, and on Twitter @TennesAnyone.