Aunt Becky is Finally Out Of The Can
Thirsty Cracked readers, Hallmark movie aficionados, and John Stamos, rejoice! Aunt Becky from Full House has officially exited the big house -- after serving two months behind bars for her involvement in the 2019 college admissions bribery scandal. Earlier today, Lori Loughlin was released from a federal prison in Dublin, California, where she had been locked up since October 30 after pleading guilty to a conspiracy charge in May, the Associated Press reported. This spring, the actress confessed that she and her husband, designer Mossimo Giannulli of Target fame, paid $500,000 to secure their two daughters spots at the University of Southern California as crew recruits, even posing the girls in photos on a rowing machine despite that fact that neither of her children had competed in the sport, nor likely even knew how to row, row, row a boat gently down a stream. But hey, who can blame them -- bad, fake rowing seems to be a certified Loughlin gal pastime, spanning generations and awkward '80s tampon ads.
Although the Full House star may have exited the high-end correctional facility, which reportedly offered ukulele lessons, pilates classes and even brunch, her sentence is far from over. Loughlin still has to complete two years of parole, 100 community service hours, and cough up $150,000 to pay a fine, CNN reported. Her husband, who you may know by his scribbly label on tacky $12 big box store dresses, is currently serving a five month sentence at a prison in Lompoc, California, where upon release, he will have to complete 250 hours of community service and pay a $250,000 fine. That's a lot of tacky dresses ...
Anyways, even before spending 60-something days forcibly practicing Hawaiian instruments and partaking in spin lessons, Aunt Becky said she felt relatively bad about her actions, tearfully apologizing during her virtual sentence hearing back in August . "I went along with a plan to give my daughters an unfair advantage in the college admissions process," the actress said. "In doing so I ignored my intuition and allowed myself to be swayed from my moral compass. I thought I was acting out of love for my children. But in reality, it only undermined and diminished my daughters' abilities and accomplishments."
However it seems she is unlikely to commit the same mistake again -- only partially due to her parole obligations and the fact that she has no further children to put through college ."While I wish I could go back and do things differently, I can only take responsibility and move forward," she said. "I am truly, profoundly and deeply sorry. I'm ready to face the consequences and make amends."
After all, folks, nothing truly says "I'm sorry" like a basic ukelele cover of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" and flexing your killer glutes. Welcome back, Aunt Becky!