This year, Macy's annual Thanksgiving Day Parade will be "for television audiences only" -- meaning that if you still want the full parade-going experience, you'll have to drag the TV into the kitchen and stand in front of an open fridge until your legs are numb and your bladder's bursting like a Coke can in a paint shaker. And since you're probably not going anywhere, why not take a peek at some of the parades of yesteryear; specifically, we'd like to highlight some clips from the 1980s, when the beloved (yet far less-lucrative) heroes of the Marvel-verse took center stage/middle of a filthy street.
Before there were dozens of big-budget Marvel movies available at the touch of a button, if you wanted to see your favorite characters brought to life by flesh and blood actors, you had to either watch some janky TV show or wait for the two and a half minutes of a three-hour annual parade when struggling actors donned sub-par superhero costumes and pretended to fight each other.
Back in 1987, we got to see Captain America and Wolverine team-up to sluggishly battle Doctor Doom, eventually electrocuting him to death -- which is kind of a weird opening act for Santa Claus, come to think of it. Also, Robocop is there for some reason, and it's all set to the score from Back to the Future, like some kind of 1980s Mad Lib brought to life.
Then in 1989, again, Marvel brought out the same float; this time soul singer Melba Moore is being awkwardly groped by Magneto and the Green Goblin until heroes like Daredevil and Spider-Man show up, striking dramatic poses as she belts out the song from Footloose -- because, again, the '80s.
While this is all good, campy, retro holiday fun, the less said about the dead-eyed Guillermo del Toro creature that is this dude dressed as Silver Surfer, the better.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Top Image: YouTube/Marvel