George R. R. Martin's entire career rests on his fans' desperate ignorance of what a bunch of dragon masters, political exiles, and boring nobles will do next. But, now that he's got castle-building money, he's apparently throwing all of that out the window. He's said that, after the series finale, "people know an ending -- but not the ending," but as the date for the arrival of that ending gets further away every day, he's started just telling people what it is. It probably doesn't help that he's never really understood the concept of spoilers in the first place.

The series creators have previously revealed that the deaths of Hodor and Shireen Baratheon came straight from Martin's plans ...

 

... but they insisted on holding back one key element from the very ending of the story that Martin told them, presumably for his benefit. What was it? Daenerys going all General Sherman on King's Landing? 

Jon's subsequent murder of Daenerys? Gendry being so lousy in bed that even the promise of a castle couldn't persuade Arya to bang him again? No need to guess. Martin just steamrolled right over that gesture of goodwill and revealed that it was Bran's coronation. You know, the end end. That's it. Party's over, everyone.

Oh, also, Hodor's death will be different in the books. According to Martin, having let one cat out of the bag and deciding to just dump all of them out, he won't be physically holding the door but warding off the baddies with a sword and a little help from Bran's warging-and-fighting habit. We might as well just pour him a Scotch and have Story Time with Uncle George at this point. Whatever gets it out, man.

Top image: HBO

Join the Cracked Movie Club

Get your weekly round-up of the latest movie and TV coverage from Cracked and be entered for our digital projector giveaway!

Forgot Password?