The Horrific Implications Of The New Batman Cartoon

Some of Batman's all-time best stories have been told in the medium of animation; from the iconic Batman: The Animated Series ...

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... to the recent Lego Batman Movie ...

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... to the time The Dark Knight was, somewhat embarrassingly, aided by a van-full of teenage potheads. 

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So it's perhaps no surprise that there's yet another Batman cartoon on the horizon. What is surprising is that it focuses, not on Batman himself, but on his car. Yup, the new kids' cartoon Batwheels! will feature the adventures of a sentient Batmobile -- presumably because some Warner Bros. exec suggested: "Hey, what about the movie Cars, but with the Batmobile?" then no one said "no" and he went home early and drank champagne out of a goblet made from the bones of peasants, or whatever it is rich people do. 

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However, unlike Cars, the show will also feature actual human beings. And the Batmobile won't suddenly become alive due to a magic spell wished on an antique carnival attraction or something, the car will be equipped with artificial intelligence thanks to the Batcomputer. The car (named "Bam" for some ungodly reason) will pal around with other sentient vehicles such as Jett the Batwing and Buff the Bat Truck. Which one will be voiced by Larry the Cable Guy remains to be seen. Even weirder, because these lifeforms are newly created, they're "essentially kids with little to no life experience."

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Okay, putting aside the fact that this is obviously a glorified toy commercial, it's pretty messed up that Batman is straight-up playing God now. Bruce Wayne draws the line at using guns, but has no misgivings about bestowing consciousness unto his goddamn truck? If that wasn't enough of an ethical minefield, they're also intellectual infants stuck living in a friggin' cave. We'll have to see how the show itself shakes out, but it's hard to imagine anyone rooting for a billionaire prowling the streets at night from behind the wheel of a mechanical toddler.

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Top Image: Warner Bros.

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