The Mysterious Post-Death Journey Of Rasputin’s Dick
Let's get this straight right off the bat: It's almost certain that, like almost everyone else throughout history, Rasputin's dick was buried with him. His autopsy records specifically noted that his famously massive and prolific genitals remained intact, but that hasn't stopped people from claiming that one of the many ways the Russian mystic's assassins tried to kill him was by cutting off his dick. Some believe it was stolen after his autopsy by an ex-girlfriend and presumably started believing that right after someone told them about the autopsy.
Whatever the case, it was said to have fallen into the eager hands of a group of Russian women living in Paris, who started worshiping it as a fertility symbol and even handing out chunks of it to "people in need." Whether those people were in particular need of fertility or just the ability to say "Look at this chunk of Rasputin's dick that I own" (which would be all of us) is, like much of this story, unclear. Supposedly, after his daughter found out about the group, she demanded her dad's dick back but then sold it when she fell on hard times in the '70s, which must have been one complicated transaction pre-Internet. In 1994, some dude popped up claiming to have it in his possession, but the item he proffered turned out to be a sea cucumber. Hey, we've all made that mistake before.
Every video of them on YouTube looks like it should be on PornHub instead.
Finally, in 2000, a Dr. Igor Knyazkin bought, well, someone's penis from a pair of French antiques dealers, which is now on display at the Museum of Russian Erotica. It has its own room, and it's definitely a dick, but it doesn't appear to have any chunks taken out of it. Everyone in this story is lying, but at least one person is definitely lying, so whose dick is this? Well, one historian remarked that it looked an awful lot like the penis of a horse. One very lucky or very violated horse, depending on your perspective.
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