Beating Games In 5 Of The Dumbest Ways Imaginable

Why get good when you can get stupid?
Beating Games In 5 Of The Dumbest Ways Imaginable

We live in crazy times. You can now successfully play Skyrim on a literal potato, or run Doom on a pregnancy test. There's no limit to what we can do with hardware that we haven't humiliated yet. 

Luckily, there are lots of imaginative ways for the not as hardware-savvy to get in on the goofier side of gaming, like ...

Streamer Allows Viewers To Use Cheats To Try To Stop Him

Hugo One is so good at GTA San Andreas that the normal game's confines no longer hold any accomplishment for him. So Hugo challenged his Twitch followers to stop him by allowing them to enter cheat codes to ruin his day. Usually, codes give players an advantage of extra weapons, armor, military vehicles, or ... gimp outfits.

Rockstar Games
Grand Tarantino Auto

They can also straight-up alter the fiber of reality, making cars fly or turning all pedestrians into Yakuza Agent Smiths, turning any game into a random Matrix sequel fight.

On top of regular evil stuff like hulked-out NPCs and cars rigged to explode like a Mafia movie/game/real-life, Hugo also had to worry random drunken acts of God, like planes appearing out of nowhere mid-jump.

Rockstar Games
Hey, do 60 into a blind intersection, and any planes you hit are on you.

When he even managed to overcome that, his followers started triggering mass explosions that killed him not during gameplay, but during cutscenes. Hugo admitted to biting more than he could chew and only managed to finish the game after putting some restrictions on the hell he'd raised. All in all, it's a great run that can be seen right here if you got 12 hours to kill:

Minecraft Without Mining

It probably goes without saying that Minecraft is half about mining, half about crafting (and all about IP exploitation $$$). However, Minecraft player HedGey decided to go through the gargantuan task of completing the game without ever raising a single pickaxe. That's how we got the first-ever playthrough of ... uh, Craft. Unlike other games that unintentionally allow for alternative ways of beating the game, Minecraft doesn't feature a weird but effective alternative to the main game mechanic at pixilated hand. Luckily it does feature a bunch of weirdly specific steps SpikyHedGey learned to successfully avoid doing the literal point of the game.

This involved setting sail to find randomly located villages, pyramids, and other specific locations to obtain items necessary for the quest at hand. What's easy when you can mine the land can become hell when you try to spare mother nature. Unless, of course, if you're okay with using slave labor and tricking poor random NPCs into committing explosive suicide to create holes and give you free stuff. 

Mojang Studios
Admittedly, logging is always easier with explosives.

The only thing preventing a blood diamond situation is the game's lack of blood.

Portal? How About Boatal?

Portal tells the story of when the developers at Valve gave players a cool portal generating gun to even the odds against an evil AI, and to make up for the fact that Half-Life 3 is never coming out. But the thing is: you don't really need the portal gun. Why? Because of boats. Yes, you read that right. Instead of picking up the portal gun, players have resorted to entering a code that materializes hovercrafts. 

Makes sense for a game with absolutely no boats in it, otherwise.

Note that these boats naturally don't work on solid ground or stuck inside walls, which is where they'll spend half their time, just like real boats. (We presume, we're not of the sea.) Players only use the boats to climb over walls or to straight up go through them. Just like, y'know, a portal would.

Specifically, a portal to the Louisiana bayou.

Sure, it's obviously a cheat, but not one protected by the game's cheat protection system. That's on them. Besides, this technically counts as international waters.

"I'm going to rip so many matress tags!"

The abomination that became known as airboat% seemed less like a speedrun and more like a speedruin, but it ended up becoming one of the most popular ways of beating the game.

Here's a full playthrough for anyone who wants to watch Portal beaten in 16 minutes and/or a marina explode.

Solving A Brilliant Puzzle Game By Stupiding It Up

The Talos Principle is widely regarded as one of the most thought-provoking and well-designed puzzle games ever made. That's a big deal, considering Croteam's previous game was Serious Sam, a game about shooting aliens that was exactly as smart as any other game about shooting aliens. Which made it a shock when players discovered that beneath Talos Principal's intellectual veneer, the stupid spirit of Serious Sam still lived. They were able to turn the game's ultra-advanced puzzle-solving equipment into mere stools they could jump on top of to overcome the ENTIRETY of the game. 

Yes, players were smart enough to devise a way that would enable them to beat the game even if their brains were to devolve into a Red Bull Jell-O mold filled with Michael Bay DVDs. 

Devolver Digital
Though, upside, it looks like the best parkour game since Assassin's Creed started sucking.

It's still hard, but now instead of actually having to use their brains so solve various puzzles, players just need to be quick and skilled on their feet, completely turning The Talos Principle into The Talos Platformer.

Getting A Toxic Chatroom To Play Dark Souls Via Teamwork

Players have already beaten Dark Souls in all sorts of bizarre ways. But to beat it in the most frustratingly annoying way possible, it takes a (virtual) village. There's a Twitch trend called "Twitch Plays X," where Twitch gives viewers the power to play a game together via written commands. As soon as Twitch managed to finish Pokemon Red, players started joking that they'd want Dark Souls next. That's a really funny joke, as Dark Souls is infinitely more complex than Pokemon Red, a game that still took Twitch 16 full days to complete. There's no way they'd try something so dumb, right? Yes. Yes, they would.

Namco Bandai
This is a repeating gif, but a 10 hour video of this event would look exactly the same.

Players spent their first various hours stuck in the first area of the game. Turns out that even walking can be a bit challenging when you have the equivalent of thousands of legs, and a surprising amount of them are hell-bent on not going anywhere. Whenever the character got any semblance of progress, a troll on would use an item to get the character to teleport back to the start of the game.  

Namco Bandai
Settling a new standard for how little it takes for something to count as entertainment.

Twitch saw it would go nowhere, so they restricted the chat a bit, and resilient players who stayed through the hell that is "Community Souls" ended up beating the game. 

Namco Bandai
And all it took them was 45 days, 905 deaths, and zero damn sense.

Top image: Mojang Studios

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