Everyone rightfully makes fun of Train for rhyming "life" no fewer than three times in one chorus ...
.... and lines like "Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken?"
Not to mention, "My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest"...
... and "I'm just a shy guy looking for a two-ply Hefty bag to hold my love."
There's really no shortage of mockable lines; they're the aural manifestation of the basic bro who writes what he definitely thinks is super deep poetry on his Tinder profile.
It is with heavy heart, then, that I report that Train recorded cover versions of Led Zeppelin's entire second album in 2016, and ... it doesn't suck.
As a person whose mother cranked up the radio whenever the classic rock station played Led Zeppelin and otherwise didn't pay much attention to them, you could convince me this was Led Zeppelin as long as I've had a few glasses of wine first, which just highlight Train's real flaws as a band. Or Led Zeppelin's, for being so imitable even by Train. You decide.
Whatever the case, the fact of the matter is that all of those songs with all those terrible lines are certified hits. As a species, we're clearly responding positively to something in them, even if in deep shame. They actually tick off every box that, scientifically, makes a song catchy.
Long, detailed musical phrases? Check. Lots of pitches in the hook? Check. A male vocalist audibly straining to reach those high notes? Entirely too check. Someone just needs to tell Chad Train that his poetry sucks. There's definitely someone in that band who can write better lyrics, if only because a raccoon who accidentally ate your old keyboard could write better lyrics. Work it out, Train.
Let Manna know on Twitter if Hefty bags even come in two-ply because seriously, what is he talking about?
Top image: Sony Music Group