This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Labor Day is just around the corner, and you know what that means: barbecue, agitating for workers' rights, and sales! Of course, you're probably not going into too many stores right now, so we've rounded up some fun things you can get online to celebrate the uneasy relationship between capitalism and the labor movement. Plus, if you use code GOFORIT15, you can get an extra 15% off. But be sure to act fast, because this code expires 9/7.
Sale Price: $16.99
Do watches need to repel mosquitoes? No. This isn't about "need." It's about being able to tell people that this ingenious watch band repels those suckers and other buzzy jerks with a 130-hour ultrasonic frequency. It'll definitely be more attractive than those sprays that keep insects away by keeping everyone away.
Sale Price: $129.99
Get the Labor Day party started by bringing some mood-altering treats to the barbecue. (Provided it's legal where you live. Don't turn us into accessories.) Don't make the rookie mistake of just mixing everything together and hoping for the best, though. This herbal infuser will give you two--five cups worth of herb-infused butter, oil, milk, honey, agave, maple syrup, and more for you to add to your favorite baking mix or just eat with a spoon. We won't tell anyone.
Sale Price: $24.99
Heading off into the woods? Don't do it without a knife. This budget-friendly stainless steel knife will come in handy in a pinch, whether you need to cut some rope, light a fire, see in the dark, fend off cannibal hillbillies, or deal with anything else you might encounter out there.
Sale Price: $36.99
Land lights are for suckers. This Kickstarter-funded inflatable light is inflatable floats in the water, adding the perfect touch to late-summer pool raves, but you can use it on land, too. Just drop it in the sand and nudge it along with your roving beach party.
Sale Price: $29.99
Make your phone look like a 1950s-style TV with this clever phone stand that also doubles as a Bluetooth speaker so you can watch in volumes that would have made '50s people go "How can such a small device be so loud?" and "That might be slightly too loud," and "Aaaaahhhhh, there's a dinosaur in it!"
Sale Price: $32.99
You've been sweating under a cloth mask for months at this point to prevent people around you from coming into contact with your germs. Good for you! As the weather gets cooler, however, you're gonna have the opposite problem. These nylon masks will keep your face nice and cozy.
Sale Price: $32.95
Have a tendency to drop things down behind the couch, in that maddeningly narrow space between the kitchen counter and the oven, or somehow inside the TV? This borescope camera will help you find them. It also makes a neat magnifying glass so you can roam around feeling like a high-tech Sherlock Holmes.
Sale Price: $53.99
Gyms are still pretty unsafe places, what with all those people huffing all their gross air into the air, but a comprehensive home gym could cost dozens of lifetime gym memberships. (That's how they getcha.) This band trainer gives you a full-body workout from home using just about any anchored spot in your home. We can't recommend swinging from it like Spider-Man, but we also can't stop you.
Sale Price: $69.99
If you're more of an outside type, leave your phone/iPod/Sony Discman from 1996 at home and let this smart fitness watch track your activity and vitals signs while it streams music to the included Bluetooth earpods. And seriously, get rid of that Discman. It belongs in a museum.
Sale Price: $84.99
Face masks that simply prevent the spread of disease are old news. This one not only plays music, it uses bone conduction to stream your favorite tunes right into your ears, no headphones needed. As a bonus, it also happens to have kind of a "futuristic Batman villain" vibe.
Sale Price: $74.95
You contain multitudes. You're allowed to have a sweet vinyl collection and impeccably curated digital playlists. This attractive retro turntable will play it all and never judge you.
Sale Price: $136.99
This high-powered ab trainer's patented, Fury Road–esque design brings a whole meaning to "hardcore." Plus, it comes with a companion app to help you get the most out of the machine, no silver spray paint required.
Sale Price: $139.99
After a tough workout, sometimes your body needs a tough treatment. Beat yourself up in a good way with this handheld massage gun that has multiple modes and eight massage heads.
Sale Price: $149.99
Fishing is fun, but it's a lot more fun when you can cheat. This camera gives you an up close and personal view of where the fish are so you can not only catch them but also verbally threaten each one individually.
Sale Price: $379.99
The thing about tattoos is that the people who are into them are also generally wary of commitment. This clever device pairs with an app and prints any temporary tattoo of your choice in just three seconds so you can give it a trial run, and if things don't work out between you and Snaggle-Tooth Sue, you can wash her name right off.
Sale Price: $439.99
This moment in history deserves to be recorded in crystal clear focus. This high-powered gimbal/tripod combo has an automatic focus accessory so it tracks movement with ease, recording picture-perfect action video so when you tell your grandchildren about 2020 and they refuse to believe you, you can rub it right in their stupid faces.