Hospitals can barely get their hands on medical supplies, test kits are in short supply, and toilet paper shelves are wastelands complete with little poop-stained tumbleweeds that roll by to hammer home the desolation. All are vital in today's world. Still, there's one item designed almost specifically to be the exact kind of psychological balm necessary to make it through today's lunacy and it, too, is experiencing a global shortage: the Nintendo Switch.
The second it seemed like the whole world was shutting down, everyone ran a quick analysis. The numbers were clear: one can masturbate only so much before severe genital damage makes each successive session less appealing though never impossible. In fact, our calculations suggest, theoretically, there is no limit. But a Switch seemed like a sensible fallback plan for retaining sanity in these times that are so far beyond uncertain that they're fucking scary.
Nintendo promises to get consoles shipped to customers who've been stuck in the pre-order backlog and swears that "more systems are on the way" -- for anyone in desperate need of a thing to sell on Craigslist once the quarantines are lifted.
In March, Switch sales jumped 150% when countries and states started going into lockdown en masse. The release of Animal Crossing alone probably played a role in that, as it dawned on folks that it would be the only way they'd be able to retain a bit normal routines of stealing fruits from their friend's trees and leaving an insulting rattan wastebasket behind as a thank you. Pair them together and you have a perfect storm that explains why the Switch is selling like its list of console exclusives includes Mario Odyssey, Smash Bros. Ultimate, and Metroid: COVID Vaccine.
Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!
Top Image: Cris_f/Pixabay