A Desperate NBA Turns To H-O-R-S-E, The Lowest Form Of Basketball

If you couldn't get enough of ESPN's scintillating pandemic coverage of the NBA 2K Players Tournament, where real-life, world-class NBA athletes competed against each other in thrilling one-on-one matchups of video game basketball from the comforts of their respective living rooms ...

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... then your low threshold for excitement will surely lead to an aneurysm when you hear that NBA and ESPN are working on a deal to have players compete in a televised H-O-R-S-E competition.

In case you don't remember 4th-grade gym class, H-O-R-S-E is a game where one person shoots from anywhere on the court. If they make it, a second player has to make the same shot from the same spot, and so on until one player is trampled by a horse. The pandemic has left sports fans so thirsty for athletic competition that we're reduced to freebasing the lowest level of actual basketball to get our fix after a dose of 2K didn't do the trick.

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"But wouldn't this game of H-O-R-S-E be way better due to using actual NBA players?" you might ask. Nope! See the NBA actually tried it out a decade ago, during All-Star weekend, and ditched it within two years because of how overwhelmingly ass it turned out to be. This doesn't even factor in that this time players probably wouldn't even be on the same court, and stuck doing this via sad webcam with only the sounds choppy internet lagged trash talk to fill an empty gym.

Somewhere in the home office of NBA Commissioner Adam Silver, there's a whiteboard covered in ideas for how much lower they can go before they hit basketball rock bottom. "Wastepaper basket shot competition?! No!! (IDIOT) Over-the-door basketball hoop dunk contest on Quibi! (what's a Quibi?) Basketball eating contest (Yes!)"

Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!

Top image: Pexels/Maik Kleinert

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