Bigots That Owned Themselves In The Funniest Way Possible

We all need a laugh right now and oh boy, there's nothing than a bigot getting hoisted on their own petard.
Bigots That Owned Themselves In The Funniest Way Possible

Okay, we admit it: things aren't what you'd call "great" out there ... or "good" ... okay, even "tolerable" is stretching it. So as we pointed out last year, you've got to laugh when the folks who spend their lives making other people's lives worse, get got by the universe in the funniest damn ways possible ...

A Neo-Nazi Website Destroyed Itself With Lawsuits

As you may have noticed, the internet economy has kinda crapped the bed. We'd make some pithy remark about how the only websites that are going to be left after this garbage storm has passed are fake news propagandists and racist conspiracy theorists, but it turns out not even they are immune. Earlier this year, it was announced that The Daily Stormer, the internet's foremost site for neo-Nazis, had laid off a bunch of staff -- who presumably have gone back to the port-a-potties from whence they came -- after readers failed to send the hate site enough money to keep going.

In a blog post, that we're not going to directly link to, because screw these guys, the site's founder Andrew Anglin said, "I've given 30-day noticed to most of the staff, because even after I told you people that the site lost $50,000 last year, fewer than 60 of you decided to send money, for a total of less than $5,000 It is impossible to communicate how depressing this is for me personally. I thought that we were promoting an agenda here that people believed in, but it seems that virtually all of you do not believe in this enough to send $5."

Anglin then described how, along with the layoffs, he might also have to close down the site's "race war" section -- which isn't exactly a loss for humanity (except for your uncle that's banned from Thanksgiving).

It hasn't helped that, in the last several years, Anglin's site has burned through money via more business screw-ups than an entire decade of coked-out Hollywood execs. For example, right after the murder of Heather Heyer by a white supremacist, at 2017's Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, VA., Anglin published a screed celebrating Heyer's death, which got TDS kicked off the internet for a spell.

Anglin was able to get his site back online and, because asshole gotta asshole, he began a campaign of harassment against several individuals. Which, in 2019, culminated with Anglin being forced to cough up over $18 million in damages. It's a figure which comprises successful lawsuits from: Dean Obeidallah, a Muslim-American radio host who was awarded $4.1 million in damages after Anglin accused him of being the mastermind behind a terrorist attack which killed 23 people in England; Taylor Dumpson, who after being elected the first black female student government president at American University in Washington, D.C., became the center of a "troll storm" engineered by Anglin; and Tanya Gersh, who took Anglin for over 14 MILLION DOLLARS after TDS and Anglin embarked on a crusade against Gersh which by way of publishing over 30 articles about her, sent a shitton of death threats, harassment, and other types of "atrocious conduct" her way.

Admittedly, collecting this money is going to be a problem because the last time anyone checked, Anglin had fled the country, citing not just his legal troubles, but the number of death threats that regularly came his way. Someone should probably check South America. That's where his ilk went last time.

A White Supremacist Set His Head on Fire Attempting to Burn Down a Synagogue

Since the hell year that was 2016, anti-Semitism has gone from being something that 'ironic' knuckle-dragging clowns did via the privacy of the internet to something that tiki torch-wielding trash do openly and loudly in the streets. The problem with white supremacist ideology, aside from everything, is the DIY idiocy involved. This brings us to Tristan Morgan, a white supremacist from the U.K., who decided to start the race war that his internet bros had wet dreams about for years by burning down a local synagogue.

According to surveillance footage taken from the outside of the building, Morgan used an ax to smash open one of the synagogue's windows before pouring gasoline through the hole. He then lit a match and, after presumably firing off some shitty monologue he'd rehearsed in his bathroom mirror that morning, threw the match through the window ... Where it ignited, creating a fireball that exploded and hit him square in the fucking face.

Morgan fled the scene but was soon picked up by the police on account of his looking like Joe Pesci during the torch scene in Home Alone. After being taken to the hospital for his injuries -- which included burns to his hands, hair, and face -- he was arrested. Morgan was described as having "deep-rooted antisemitic belief and an obsession with abhorrent antisemitic material," and imprisoned in what we assume is Britain's version of a safety prison.

Kansas Republican Sponsors An Anti-Gay Bill, Gets Publicly Shamed by His Daughter

When Kansas State Representative Ron Highland (R) co-sponsored a horrifying bill which referred to same-sex marriages as "parody marriages" and classifies legal protections of the LGBTQ community as "the greatest sham since the inception of American jurisprudence," he knew he'd be on the receiving end of some pushback. It's entirely plausible that was his whole plan, not just because it would've provided him with some media coverage, but because the only way crusty GOPers can achieve orgasm is by "triggering the libs."

What Highland didn't expect, however, was some of that pushback to come from his own daughter, Christel Highland. As a "proud member of Kansas City's LGBTQ+ community," Christel posted an open letter to Facebook calling her father an asshole ... but like, in a nice way.

"Your most sacred job as an elected official is to serve and protect people. Your God did not elect you, living, breathing humans beings did. Further isolating the marginalized among the population you serve is far from your duty Hate has no place in public policy. I respectfully request an apology on behalf of my family and beloved friends that this cruel attempt at legislation impacts - viable or not - and I beg that you show yourself to be the honorable man I've always known you to be Ultimately, what is right can never be something that hurts another. You taught me that."

After the letter was published and went viral, Highland retracted his support for the bill, calling it a mistake," saying that he did so not realizing the "hateful language" it contained, which he didn't condone. Presumably, he'd prefer to be known to his peers and constituents as an idiot rather than lose the love of his daughter, which would be an admirable move if it wasn't done in service of weaseling out of his own bigotry.

A Homophobic Mom Group Helped Raise Over $35,000 For A LGBT Charity

Back in 2016, the Australian LGBT charity Minus18 -- Australia's national organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and intersex (LGBTI) youth -- decided to host a formal for young queer people where they could feel safe to be themselves. The event, known as "Victorian Same Sex Gender Diverse Formal," started selling tickets for $10 a pop. The bargain left the students with more money to spend on luxury transportation, clothing, and as tradition dictates, several bottles of cheap vodka to drink behind the dumpsters out back.

Except there was a Helen Lovejoy-shaped problem in the form of the 'Stop Safe Schools Coalition' -- a committee of 'concerned citizens' (read: homophobes) who saw these young people wanting to be themselves and said, "screw that." On its Facebook page, the group urged its hundreds of followers to help "stop this madness" by buying up all the tickets because, "The more tickets sold to us, the more youth we protect."

Note: We're still talking about a regular dance formal for queer young people, not some weird ceremony with a bunch of straight babies getting sacrificed to the queer power triumvirate of Judy Garland, Billy Porter, and The Babadook.

The publicity that the homophobes provided the formal wound up having the exact opposite effect. After the media and activist groups picked up on the SSSC's efforts to shut down the event, donations to the crowdfunding page for Minus18 skyrocketed and ended up raising over $36,500 compared to a target of only $15,000. As a result, Minus18 decided in the face of this "overwhelming response," that the formal would be a free event. Guests could turn up ticketless, and anyone who showed with a ticket could be refunded and/or told to go fuck themselves, depending on how many angry tears they had in their eyes.

Adam Wears is (allegedly) a comedy writer. Want to read other articles he's written for Cracked? Click here! Want to follow him on Twitter? Click here! Want to check out his website? Click here!

Top Image: DCPolice

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