Woody Allen's new memoir was released this week, and due to the global pandemic, it technically won't be the worst thing currently circulating the world right now. The literary equivalent of one of those unnerving Kevin Spacey Christmas videos, Allen's Apropos of Nothing has been called a "shallow exercise in self-pity" in which he defends himself against claims that he molested his daughter when she was seven years old. He also reveals that he was offered a part in a movie poking fun of the fact that he was accused of molesting his daughter when she was seven years old...
We're guessing you probably haven't seen I Love You, Daddy directed by Louis C.K., likely because it was pulled from theaters (then presumably boxed up and stored next to the Ark of the Covenant) in anticipation of a New York Times report documenting C.K.'s history of sexual misconduct. It definitely didn't help that the movie is about a creepy dude whose 17-year-old daughter starts dating a creepy 70-year-old filmmaker, and the moral of the movie is pretty much hey, it's okay to be creepy because "everybody's a pervert."
The filmmaker character, played by John Malkovich, is clearly modeled after Allen; he's a legendary writer-director who has a penchant for young girls and was famously accused of sexually assaulting a child-a subject that tees-up multiple jokes. It's really bad. Astonishingly, this Woody Allen rip-off about a Woody Allen-like pervert almost starred Woody Allen.
As noted by podcaster Will Sloan, Allen's memoir reveals that C.K. actually approached him to play the Malkovich part, which seems kind of nuts. Louis told Allen that playing an old man who literally stalks young girls in department stores would somehow "help" his "image". But Allen claimed that the movie would play "right into the hands of the yahoos"-meaning either those who believe his daughter's accusations, or floundering tech companies, maybe? So Allen turned down the opportunity to play an old man romancing an embarrassingly young female character-- a career first.
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