Saadi Gaddafi Once Kidnapped A Member Of G-Unit For A Terrifying Coke-Fuelled Party
Until his father Muammar came down with a sudden case of angry mob, Saadi Gaddafi was probably the most pathetically overindulged manchild in history. To give just one example, Saadi wanted to be a professional soccer player, so his dad leaned on the Italians until a top-level team signed him as a striker. And bear in mind, the Italian league is one of the best in world soccer. It's like if Eric Trump loved basketball, so his dad made an NBA team sign him up as point guard. As it turned out, Saadi ended up playing under 30 minutes in three years while failing every drug test imaginable. And the following story may help explain why.
Outside of soccer, Saadi was a huge fan of 50 Cent's hip-hop group G-Unit. So he was ecstatic to bump into G-Unit member DJ Whoo Kid at the Toronto Film Festival. What followed is quite possibly the most hilariously insane night in the history of cocaine. As recounted by Whoo Kid himself, he was fairly wary of Saadi, especially after seeing his bodyguards physically pick a woman up and dump her out of a nightclub for not meeting Saadi's VIP image (on being informed that she was Al Pacino's daughter, Saadi simply had his bodyguards carry her back in again). When Saadi invited him to an afterparty at his hotel, Whoo Kid politely made his excuses and left. He was just about to turn in for the night when some gun-toting female bodyguards hammered on the door and made it clear that he would be attending.
Whoo Kid arrived to find "a mountain of cocaine. I've never seen so much cocaine," which is coming from a colleague of a man called Tony Yayo. Asked to DJ, Whoo Kid tried to get guests dancing with some Katy Perry, only for Saadi to erupt from nowhere in a flapping robe screaming at him to turn it off. The dictator's kid then treated Whoo Kid to a YouTube comments-style rant about "real music," before suddenly pivoting to declaring how much he loved him. He then insisted that they do coke together. Saadi actually became so pushy that Whoo Kid started pretending to snort cocaine, just "so he would leave me the fuck alone."
At this point, we should possibly mention that Saadi's time in Toronto was sponsored by a very prominent Canadian engineering company, who ended up financing a bunch of drugs and prostitutes in the hope of doing business in Libya. In any case, as the guests continued to frack Cocaine Mountain, the party spiralled out of control so badly that Whoo Kid ended up barricading himself inside Saadi's closet with a female guest. One thing led to another and Whoo Kid ended up fleeing the party after ejaculating inside one of Saadi Gaddafi's shoes. And shout out to the Miami New Times, who broke this story, for the most wistful ending in newspaper history: "Whoo Kid doesn't know what became of that shoe."
The Billionaire Grandson Of Myanmar's Strongman Really, Really Loves Enrique Iglesias
Than Shwe led Myanmar's military junta from 1992 to 2011. He famously ran the country on the advice of astrologers, and once moved the entire capital on two days' notice on their recommendation. To put that into perspective, imagine Donald Trump suddenly moving every government office to rural Nebraska because it was a good week for Geminis to try new things. In fairness, we should note that Than Shwe was a considerable improvement on previous dictator Ne Win, who bathed in dolphin blood, shot his own reflection in mirrors, walked backward over bridges dressed "like a wizard," and spontaneously changed which side of the road the country drove on. There was really no winning with that guy. Sorry, we're just trying to lighten the awfulness.