Hallmark Pulls The Christmas Movies' Lever, Today

It's official: time has lost all meaning
Hallmark Pulls The Christmas Movies' Lever, Today

A lot of us are having trouble keeping track of what day it is because we're either quarantined, self-isolating, or on a twelve-day silent meditation retreat in the desert. Sending us further along this downward spiral of confusion and madness, the Hallmark Channel is set to air a Christmas movie marathon this ... Friday? It's hard to tell anymore. Yeah, we're pretty sure it's Friday.

Yes, in an effort to soothe all of our fraught nerves while also conclusively proving that time is a flat circle, Hallmark is busting out its roster of Christmas movies. Instead of slowly going full Jack Torrence as you hole up inside your residence, now you can just kick back and pretend it's the most wonderful time of the year.

Take your mind off of this global pandemic by catching, say, Candace Cameron-Bure in Christmas Detour, or Lacey Chabert in Christmas in Rome-- a city which is currently under lockdown and would totally not let Lacey Chabert in, not even to teach a handsome businessman the true meaning of the holiday season.

The folks over at Hallmark aren't the only ones turning to Jesus' birthday in an effort to make this miserable time a tad cheerier. Across the country, people are putting up Christmas decorations in the hope that the colorful lights "will lift spirits during these dark times." So yeah, why the hell not? Everyone should be allowed to shatter the space time continuum if it makes them feel better. That's the true meaning of Marchmas.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter!


Scroll down for the next article
Forgot Password?