Humanity owes its longevity to a number of factors: Our big brains, our skills of adaption, and our ability to survive on 7-Eleven hot dogs and Mountain Dew. But, more than anything, it's our capacity for staying horny during (and even about) just about any event. As such, coronavirus porn was an inevitability, yet still somehow feels blindsiding.

By March 4, 2020, a PornHub search for "coronavirus" produced 112 results. As of this writing about a week later, that number has almost tripled, so those dedicated adult performers have been busy getting busy. Their products range from the spurious ...

HD 7:24 A CURE FOR THE CORONA VIRUS IS GETTING FUCKED BY A PAWG Crystal Lust 255K views 82%

HOW We Fight CORONAVIRUS Risky Outdoor Sex & Creampie in Abandoned House Secrets of Pleasure 140K views 78%

HD 21:53 Two Las Vegas girls have threesome on a mountain to avoid coronavirus SparksGowild 2K views 97%

... to the racist ...

HD 0:19 hardcore fuck with Chinese wearing corona virus mask darzxx 274K views 65%

... to the simply confusing.

0:36 Coronavirus Porn Ama6ex 61.4K views 85%
This one also counts as Breaking Bad porn.

It's not like this, like the plot of so many videos, is just a thing they're putting out there to see if anyone bites, either. Please (seriously, I'm begging you) note that many of those videos have five- or six-digit view counts. There have been millions of searches for these videos, peaking on March 5, but expected to spike again with preventive self-isolation (and therefore lots of bored, horny people) on the rise. Incidentally, the location where the most searches are coming from is Washington, D.C. Make whatever assumptions you'd like from that information, but I'm going to pointedly not.

Corona Virus Searches 1,600,000 1,544,654 1,400,000 Total Searches Past 1,200,000 30 Days 6,877,922 1,032,974 1,000,000 823.359 800,000 773.837 600,00

That's just the official porn. Anything can be porn with the right attitude, and this crisis has been a particular boon for sneezing fetishists.

"Oh, god," you might be understandably thinking. "Are we doomed because a small but entirely too vocal percent of the population loves to get sneezed on?" No, if these posts are anything to go by. They're actually developing contingency plans to ensure safe sneezing. That's why we're the top of the food chain: Survival is the highest priority, even for our weird boners.

Manna will be riding this thing out on Twitter, you pervs.

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