An Old Dog (Maybe) Has "Weak Positive" Coronavirus

A dog in Hong Kong has been adorably quarantined after it tested positive for the not-adorable coronavirus. Now, before you try to cram your Shih Tzu into a beach ball to turn it into the cutest little bubble boy ever, understand that while researchers believe this could possibly be the first case of human-to-animal transmission of the coronavirus-- they're not 100% certain if that's actually what happened, or if it even means anything.

The 17-year-old Pomeranian had a "weak positive" result, which means it has a little bit of coronavirus but has shown no symptoms so far. Maybe. Researchers aren't really sure yet. It could also mean that the coronavirus is on the dog and not in the dog. It's the difference between touching a raw chicken cutlet and eating a raw chicken cutlet. Wash your hands if you've touched it. If you've eaten it, install a handlebar beside your toilet because you're going to need something to hold onto. That means your dog could be nothing more than a walking doorknob, a barking water fountain, or a shitting elevator button - just another object covered in gross stuff. But, again, it's still too early to tell.

The point is, don't do anything stupid. Don't abandon your dog and don't euthanize it because you think it might have a virus that literally one dog on earth has, and there isn't even anything close to consensus as to what that means. Just keep loving the dumb bastard, but maybe wash your hands after you pet it. You should be doing that anyway. Not just because of coronavirus, but because that dog ate a cat turd then licked itself for 20 minutes.

Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!