The overseas offerings of popular American chain restaurants can sometimes offer wondrous, mouthwatering items that the rest of the world will never see. Menu items that want nothing to do with our unrefined palates, incapable of appreciating even a morsel of its highly caloric splendor. Other times ... that shit can just stay right the hell over there. And If it gets anywhere near us, we'd like to kindly remind it that our country has more guns than common sense. Falling into that latter category is a new pizza, available only at Hong Kong Pizza Huts, which is a result of the world's first team-up between a bad pizza chain and a furniture store that serves the subpar cafeteria food. It's an IKEA meatball and pepperoni Pizza Hut pizza.
The pizza's overall aesthetic is a little disappointing, as plopping whole meatballs right onto a pizza just smacks of Ninja Turtles writers on a lazy day. On the upside, arranging them in a circle gives them a distinct "Meat Stonehenge" (Meathenge?) kind of vibe that should be applauded for being the first and last thing to ever have that.
Dystopian sci-fi never quite prepared us for the kinds of bizarre corporate food mashups of today, and somehow Pizza Hut seems to be behind most of them. Another prime example is the time they Voltron-ed a popcorn chicken pizza in a crossover with KFC and diarrhea. Pizza Hut has essentially become a rapper you see featured on everyone's hit songs but isn't interesting enough to carry their own album. Doing an edible crossover with a furniture store that serves meatballs, possessing the texture of a racquetball, that is like the fourth thing they're best known for, is either a new low or a revolutionary tactic that will herald a bold new era of crossovers.
Just think of it. A Taco Bell cheesy gordita crunch crossed with a Rooms To Go children's bedroom set. A Pottery Barn dining table that is also a Dorito. The possibilities are endless when limited to edible furniture.
Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!