In celebration of the 60th anniversary of the Etch-a-Sketch, Etch-a-Overlord Spin Master has finally decided to make it functional and good. Brace yourselves, because you'll finally be able to draw circles without twisting the knobs in a pattern so precise you might accidentally tune the thing to pick up radio signals from a distant galaxy.
They're calling it the Etch-a-Sketch Revolution. You might think revolutions are about fighting for basic freedoms, but you're wrong. Drawing circles in gray dust can be a revolution, too. They pulled off this miraculous feat no one even their wildest magic mushroom hallucinations could've imagined possible: by adding two additional knobs that can be spun to rotate the screen. It's a fairly basic innovation that makes you wonder why it took this long to bring to life. It's highly likely that the idea was proposed decades ago in the Etch-a-Sketch laboratories by someone who was labeled a heretic and murdered before their poisonous ideas could spread.
It sucks that this innovation is coming so late in life for most of us after the horrors of the world have depleted us of our appreciation for the simple satisfaction of drawing a round thing. But when it's released later this July, try as hard as you can to celebrate this momentous innovation by drawing the circular things you never could as a child, like your favorite ball that your dog chased into the street where it was hit by a delivery truck. Or maybe re-create the delicious pepperoni pizza your parents bought to make the news of their divorce go down a little easier? Or maybe an alternate dimension Earth that isn't slowly burning itself to death. The possibilities are endless!
Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!