4 Underreported Dark Secrets Of Buying Stuff Online

4

The Demand For Fast Shipping Is Awful For The Environment (And The Health Of Drivers)

The great dream of online shopping is that it can be both convenient and environmentally friendly. You're not asking for your groceries and new video games to be sent to your front door because you're too lazy to put on pants and go outside; you're heroically trying to keep down the number of cars on the road. One big truck delivering packages to 30 different people is far more efficient than having 30 cars all driving to the grocery store.

But that premise is predicated on the idea that buyers are patient, never regret their purchases, and have no other duties to attend to. And as anyone who's ever drunkenly purchased rush shipping on seasons 1, 4, and 6 of Leave It To Beaver because they thought the title was funny knows, consumer behavior is short-sighted and often not very rational. We might get a box of diapers sped to us on Monday because we're running low, some groceries on Wednesday for lasagna night, and Call Of Duty: Whatever The New One Is on Friday to be played over the weekend. A little foresight would have allowed for all three of those to be handled in one order.

We might also have monthly subscription services, like Stitch Fix, Blue Apron, Spice Life, or Weed Need, and those are all delivered separately. Oh, and roughly 30% of goods purchased online are returned. Turns out your new R2-D2 bong either doesn't work well or doesn't look good in the cold light of day. Those return trips add yet more delivery vehicles to the road, and many returned products are then just thrown out.

But the biggest problem is that, despite our most fervent wishes, we still have to leave our homes. We have to go to work, or take our kids to school, or visit doctors who beg us to get out of the house more and use our atrophied legs. People used to combine all these errands. They would go grocery shopping after dropping off their kids, but before their doctors could warn them to stop putting nothing but Doritos and Mountain Dew in their grocery cart. But even though goods like groceries are being delivered now, those errands are still being run. So there are more vehicles on the road.

Our insistence that our lives will be incomplete unless dog sweaters that say "Thicc Boi" are rushed to us overnight also means more inefficient waste, as three boxes are used to package what a patient consumer could have put in one. Rush shipping also needs planes to expedite packages instead of relying on slower vehicles that spew fewer emissions into the air. Yes, many people shop online responsibly or not at all, but everyone needs to shop responsibly to create the environmental benefits we thought we would have when the practice started becoming commonplace. Instead, many people aren't even aware that these issues exist. After all, Amazon doesn't exactly encourage you to think about them.

In the meantime, delivery drivers are being pushed to skip meals and bathroom breaks while working (unpaid) overtime during busy periods so that all these packages hit their delivery dates, in a policy that appears to have contributed to the death of a woman who was hit by an exhausted driver. The busiest drivers have to deliver 250 packages a day, which is basically impossible on a regular shift. We know it's tough to resist Amazon's raw convenience, but at least try to hold off on rush shipping individual cans of microwaveable ravioli.

Matt Cardy/Getty ImagesOn top of the shifts, you just know that any maze like that is going to have at least one Minotaur running around and eating employees.

3

Your "Handmade" Etsy Find Might Be From A Factory

Etsy can be a little pricier than other online marketplaces, but the cost is worth it, because you know your money is going to a dedicated craftsman rather than a faceless corporate giant. Right? The retirees, stay-at-home parents, and independent artists who keep the site well-stocked in whimsical creations, insane fetish gear, and copyright-dodging Harry Potter merch deserve all the money they can get.

But while it's nice to think of Etsy as the virtual equivalent of your local craft fair, it's really like any other digital storefront, in that there's fierce competition for the attention of consumers who only have so much time, money, and need for signs that say "Live, Love, Wine." Businesses need to do something to stand out from the 47 other sellers who are also offering homemade journals with "Fierce" on the cover.

One way is to scale up your production by outsourcing your supposedly homemade crafts. While Etsy says, "If it's handcrafted, vintage, custom or unique, it's on Etsy," the site allows third parties to produce and ship products as long as the original idea was "homemade" -- a definition so vague that it could apply to any product in existence, as long as someone insists that they thought of it while having a bath.

EtsyFor example, very few of Etsy's ample selection of gaming PCs look hand-crocheted.

2

Your eBay Purchase Might Be Coming From Amazon

So Etsy is a den of lies, but surely eBay is still a pure, untainted source of electronics and board games that the seller may have rubbed their genitals on, right? You're just buying someone's used crap -- or maybe, if the seller is especially industrious, the used crap of many people and places that have been gathered together under the auspicious umbrella of jerseydadssportsswag's account. And even the non-auction stuff that's shipping new from China is clearly marked as such, so you always know what you're getting. But what you don't always know is who's sending your purchases to you.

Asiandelight/Adobe StockSo wait, that shop with all the haunted dolls might not be aboveboard after all?

1

Amazon Is Loaded With Counterfeit Products That Hurt Small Brands

When we picture a counterfeit product, we usually think of a Praba purse or a Molodex watch. Giant luxury brands aren't going to be hurt by some piece of junk you bought from a shady stall because you thought it would make you look suave for the four hours before it falls apart. But on Amazon you can counterfeit anything, from mouth guards to medical manuals to teeth-whitening products, and it's small business that get hurt.