Moby, Of All People, Is Somehow Involved In A Trump Scandal

Because Moby has friends in the intelligence community.
Moby, Of All People, Is Somehow Involved In A Trump Scandal

Our story begins in 2017, when the middle-aged man who still calls himself Moby wrote a Facebook post about how his friends in the intelligence community (because Moby has friends in the intelligence community) told him that there was no doubt that Donald Trump was being manipulated by Vladimir Putin, that the pee tape was real, and other valuable things about the president's alleged corruption. None of us knew Moby to be a liar, so anyone who saw that post likely assumed he had reached the insanity portion of his fame cycle, finally joining the ranks of the Jose Cansecos and Gary Buseys of the world.

me JAL
Gregg DeGuire/Getty
Our republic might be saved by the guy who composed the end credits song for Heat.

And then last week, about two and a half years after the post, an article about Val Broeksmit, the son of a Deutsche Bank senior executive, was published by The New York Times. Broeksmit had been handing American investigators every document they could possibly want in their ongoing efforts to investigate Trump. While he was in LA trying to sell the movie rights to his life story, he ran into Moby. He apparently told the musician what he knew about Trump and Deutsche Bank, so then Moby arranged for Broeksmit to meet his "friends who work in D.C." One of those friends was Adam Schiff, the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee and the guy Nancy Pelosi chose to head the impeachment inquiry.

So maybe Moby actually does have connections in the federal government and doesn't belong in the insane celebrity club after all. Wait. Hold up. Remember when Moby claimed he dated Natalie Portman, which she says never, ever happened, and would have been extremely gross if it did? Never mind! Moby is definitely in the club!

Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's And listen for his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast.

For more, check out The Dirty, Sexy Secret Of The Berenstain Bears and 2019's Hottest Halloween Costume Is ... The Golden Girls?

Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Follow us on Facebook. If you like jokes and stuff.

Scroll down for the next article
Forgot Password?