Professional weird person Nicolas Cage is the dictionary definition of quixotic. A thousand scholars and mystics could scrutinize the surrealist's career for a thousand years and still not come up with a logical answer as to why he chose to wear a penis nose in a 5-second cameo for an '80s teen comedy. But if it's any consolation, Cage admits he doesn't know why he always makes everything crazy in a profoundly mystical sense, either. That's why he is on a lifelong quest to find answers.
Oh, and the Holy Grail.
Whoever thought that every crazy Nicolas Cage story has long been told is a damn fool. In a recent interview with the New York Times, Cage managed to casually let drop what others would call a lifetime's worth of chaotic madness but Cage calls "Tuesday." But we're not that interested in the stories of him almost getting killed by twin cobras. Or how he tried to convince the director of The Wicker Man to let him do the meme-conic bees scene in a full bear suit. Or how he convinced Johnny Depp to become an actor over a game of Monopoly. What we're interested in is the reveal of Nicolas Cage, Grail Hunter.
We've already talked about Cage's obsession with buying antiques (and mansions, let's not forget about the mansions) leading to his famous feud with Leonardo Dicaprio and the nation of Mongolia over his ownership of a $276,000 dinosaur skull. But in the interview, Cage confirms he has gone full-blown Indy Jones over his hunt for the mysterious artifacts of our past; to the point where he carried a greenish miniature sarcophagus (a genuine antique from an ancient pyramid) in his jacket during the filming of Ghost Rider so he could draw on its ancient religious power to trick himself into believing he was a real demon.
But most fascinating of all is when Cage admitted that he has spent a decent chunk of his life investigating and chasing National Treasure-style the myth of the Holy Grail -- Jesus' favorite office mug. Cage's quest has taken him all over England and King Arthur's supposed burial grounds in Glastonbury (where he said the water "does taste like blood") but also to Rhode Island in the New World after hearing some rando tell him the chalice may have ended up there.
Cage never did find the Grail (though he did buy a mansion in Rhode Island, of course) leading him to conclude, "What is the Grail but Earth itself?" This is the Cage-ian equivalent of admitting that the real treasure was the friends he made along the way.
For more weird tangents and his personal recipes for toilet wine, do follow Cedric on Twitter.
Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.
Follow us on Facebook. Or we'll unleash THE BEEEEES.
We're so inundated with Trump news that we shrug off scandals that would tank any other president.