'Indiana Jones 5' Sounds Like A Total Trainwreck

Everyone's favorite adventurer / negligent educator Indiana Jones is set to return for a fifth movie, presumably in which he excavates some Werther's Originals from his pants. Yeah, Harrison Ford will be almost 80 by the time this movie comes out -- even older than the actor who played the elderly, dementia-ridden version of Indy on TV.

Initially, the project sounded somewhat promising. It was to be directed by Steven Spielberg and written by someone who was not George Lucas. Now things seem ... less promising. For starters, original screenwriter David Koepp was surprisingly booted off the production in favor of Jonathan Kasdan. Kasdan is the son of Lawrence Kasdan, who penned Raiders Of The Lost Ark. This implies that the filmmakers believe the ability to write an Indiana Jones script is somehow passed on genetically, like male pattern baldness or the Ghostbusters franchise.

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As a result, the movie's release has been pushed back to 2021, worryingly closer to Ford's golden years. Now comes word that Kasdan too is off the project. His script was supposedly about searching for a lost Nazi train full of gold -- which only reminds us that Indiana Jones totally could have murdered Hitler, but didn't.

ParamountThey'd have to rename it Indiana Jones And The Pen In Der Fuehrer's Jugular.

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Now rumor has it that the script is being rewritten by Dan Fogelman, who seems like an odd choice. As we've mentioned, Fogelman's most recent film, Life Itself, was basically like if the Hallmark Channel made a horror movie. He also wrote Fred Claus, in which Vince Vaughn plays Kris Kringle's irritating brother, to the delight of no one. Of course, Fogelman is most well-known for creating the hit TV series This Is Us. So we can all look forward to Indiana Jones discovering he has a terminal illness right before he's tragically killed in Vietnam.

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