6 Gaming Trolls Who Got Punished Hard By Karma
If someone is being a dick to you in an online game, you can't just reach over and smack them in the head, like in the good ol' days of couch multiplayer. Instead you have two options: 1) Move on with your life like a well-adjusted adult, or 2) Hatch an elaborate revenge plan, even if it takes hours, months, or sometimes years to enact. These people chose the dark path ...
GTA Griefers Get Hit With An Insurance Bill
Hold onto your monocles: People in Be A Dick To Everyone: The Game (aka Grand Theft Auto Online) can sometimes be dicks. Like when they camp out in body shops and wait for someone to bring in their brand-new car, just so they can blow it up. There's really no way to stop them, but there is a way to make that explosion hurt them more than it hurts you. Meet Aaron Reynold's creation, the Gurntmobile.
So does this beautiful abomination shoot lasers that kill griefers? No, it doesn't really do anything other than specifically be the most expensive car possible. In GTA Online, you can insure your car, and whoever destroys it has to pay 1.25 percent of its value. Most of the time that amounts to chump change, but since Reynolds' ride has been pimped to the tune of $1 million, anyone who messes with it will end up $12,500 poorer.
Soon, would-be car bombers learned to recognize the Gurntmobile, and began warning each other not to touch it. So Reynolds made others, including a minivan so unbearably ridiculous that someone destroyed it the moment it was done.
Eventually, others began joining Reynolds' quest to troll the trolls, and they all got together in a parking lot ... at which point an unfortunate troll showed up and fired a rocket launcher at $10 million worth of cars. Press "F" to pay respects.
DayZ Players Face The Ol' Die Hard Gambit
There are three ways to play post-apocalyptic survival game DayZ: by yourself, with friends, or by trying to cooperate with strangers ... and immediately being killed by them. The real challenge in this game is maintaining your faith in humanity. That's why YouTube user Cyborg Lizard decided to run a little social experiment.
First, Lizard went up to unarmed players and offered them food and an unloaded gun, thus sparing them the customary 45 minutes of looking for weapons in empty barns. At this point, Lizard went "Whoops, I think I gave you my loaded gun, can you give it back?" About half of the players did exactly that, but the other half pointed the gun at their benefactor and tried to kill him. What those ingrates didn't know was that Lizard had jammed the gun before handing it over, and the only thing they were killing was their own dignity.
One player was offered a gun and acted friendly at first. It was only when he knew Lizard was checking his menu for food to give away that he figured he could get an easy kill.
After being caught out, he, like most others in this situation, felt compelled to run away in a mix of shame and terror.
To be fair, Cyborg Lizard did make a sequel wherein hardly anyone tried to betray him ... probably because they'd all seen the first video.
An EVE Online Player Enacts A Years-Long Revenge Scheme
The first time you go online in a video game is a magical moment. The moments right after that, when you are repeatedly butchered by some high-level dick? Not so much. For EVE Online player Darvo Thellere, that asshole was named Kackpappe, and his stated goal was to "ruin game experience and harass until stops playing."
Kackpappe relentlessly fucked with Darvo for months, until he got bored and moved on to messing with some other newbies. But Darvo didn't quit the game. He kept playing, getting better and better and creating a nice network of space buddies. And then, four years later, he noticed the name of another user looking for a crew: "Kackpappe."
Turns out Kackpappe had recently been kicked out of another group, and his former leader was desperate to kill him (sounds like a real charmer). After changing his name in case he got recognized, Darvo kindly offered his former tormentor a spot in his current group. Why, he even negotiated with Kackpappe's old crew so they'd let him gather all his stuff and safely take it out of their turf! And then, once Kackpappe teleported to meet up with his new buddies, Darvo changed his name back. Over the team chat, Kackpappe just said, "Argh fuck, Darvo Thellere."
Darvo's fleet obliterated Kackpappe and took all his stuff, then thanked him for the loot and kicked him out of the chat. Kackpappe initially wished physical violence upon his old acquaintance, but he eventually apologized and ended up leaving the game. So we guess his plan to make someone quit EVE did work after all.
The Counter-Strike Hacks Specifically Designed To Get Cheaters Banned
Counter-Strike: Global Offensive is a game that many people take very seriously -- though some not seriously enough to, you know, get better at it. Instead, they've created a massive market for cheats that offer instant competitive dominance. They can give you infinite ammo, infinite health, the ability to see enemies behind walls ... or all those things and more at the same time. They implement these cheats over and over, which is like carrying a big sign that says "PLEASE BAN ME."
And that's exactly what a hack created by Reddit user AndroidL was designed to do. Inspired by another player who got 300 hackers banned with a similar scheme, AndroidL put together an irresistible cocktail of "multi-hacks" and posted it on a popular cheaters' den. His first two releases seemed to work normally at first, but at a specific time, they would start altering every variable of the game to the point where it would leave the anti-cheating system no option but to ban the players. The best one changed the viewing angle to a perspective as crooked as their souls.
The third release got you banned as soon as you started the game. Based on the number of people who downloaded his hacks, and the game's publicly viewable banning stats, AndroidL estimated that he was responsible for at least 3,000 bans. We don't have face captures for the moment the cheaters realized they got got, but we have the next best thing: angry message board posts. Enjoy.
Elite: Dangerous Trolls Messed With The Wrong Cancer Fundraiser
In early 2018, a group of Elite: Dangerous players organized an epic space expedition in honor of their friend Brandon Keith, aka DoveEnigma13, who had been fighting cancer for three years without much hope of getting better. The 20-day journey would also raise funds for a cancer charity, and DoveEnigma13 would be accompanied by his young daughter. Naturally, some people found out about this and said "Not in my simulated galaxy."
When the expedition was almost finished, one or two sad individuals looking to "cause chaos" decided to fuck up the mega ship that was supposed to serve as the final waypoint. Their defenders say these guys were just keeping things interesting, but if your definition of "interesting" includes "causing undue anguish to a cancer patient," then maybe don't wonder why no one calls you on your birthday anymore.
Luckily, the good part of the community had already mobilized to solve the issue themselves. An "overwhelming number" of players crossed the galaxy to bring materials to the ship and prevent a shutdown.
As for DoveEnigma13, his cancer seems to be under control for now, and he's got a GoFundMe page, which you can donate to if you want to spite some trolls. Or simply be a nice person, we guess.
An Overwatch Player Destroys Cheaters
When Overwatch player Seagull noticed a cheater in his game, he decided to roll with it and see what happened. We should mention that Seagull is one of Overwatch's top pros ... and so were the five friends he happened to be playing with that day. The cheater in question was using an aimbot, meaning they could automatically target any player around them without any effort. It's like if the Terminator was a huge wuss. Things didn't look good for Seagull's team at first, until they started ignoring the other players to focus solely on obliterating the fuck out of the cheater. They won 3-0.
Another time, Seagull and team managed to beat two aimbotters, although they had some unexpected help. Turns out one of the aimbotters' teammates actually had a conscience, and not only helped Seagull out, but joined the customary teabag party over the hackers' corpses.
So if any eSports tournament organizers are reading this, here's an idea: Throw a cheater in there every once in a while. Watching them get humiliated is way more entertaining than any pro match we've ever seen.
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