She doesn't change his facial structure at all (gotta spring for the deluxe package for that). She just pumps him full of melanin, gives him a haircut, and sends him on his merry minstrel way.

Punisher hops in a car, but it's not long before he's pulled over by police on account of the superhuman level of painkillers in his system ... and also, well, you know. He gets the shit kicked out of him some more, and we're treated to a wildly uncomfortable and inappropriate visual reference to certain then-current events.

Marvel ComicsMaybe Punisher isn't the best character to use to criticize excessive force.

But don't worry! Luke Cage soon arrives to save him, in what we can assume was meant as an analogue to ... the cameraman who filmed the King beating?

Marvel ComicsThough, unlike the real guy whose life that video ruined, Cage can at least reduce his critics to chunky paste.

Cage and Punisher (still keeping his real identity a secret) then spend several issues beating down criminals and philosophizing about the black experience. That is, until the blackstic surgery starts to wear off and Frank skips town to avoid getting his ass justifiably kicked by Cage.

Frank is soon captured by the bad guys who were chasing him -- bad guys who don't see color, it seems -- leaving Cage with no choice but to rescue him (again). The story then ends with the now-late-career-Michael-Jackson-toned Frank telling the Hero for Hire to go fuck himself in regards to wanting payment for having to constantly bail his Dolezal ass out.

Marvel Comics

Marvel ComicsYup, nice disguise. No one could've ever connected the Punisher to this refrigerator-chested, gun-toting vigilante.

Matt doesn't merely wind up inventing a brother, "Mike Murdock." He starts living an entire second life, complete with happenin' lingo and a fashion sense that we'll generously describe as "Incel Jimmy Olsen."

Marvel Comics

Marvel Comics

"Mike" does more than masquerade as Daredevil and fat-shame Foggy. He dates and almost marries Karen ...

Marvel Comics

... and winds up disguising himself as Thor, for reasons that the writers of that issue couldn't manage to explain without giving readers migraines.

Marvel Comics

Marvel Comics

Eventually, Matt gets tired of the charade and decides to let Mike "die" in view of everyone, then explaining the "reappearance" of Daredevil as Mike having chosen a successor to take up the mantle of the man without fear brains.

Marvel Comics"Anyway, sorry about your almost-fiance dying."

As a way of defending himself from creatures of the night like Dracula, Doom's armor is imbued with pieces of the True Cross (a low-key confirmation that not only is Jesus real in the Marvel universe, but that you can also pick up pieces of his cross up from any good supervillain hardware store).

Marvel ComicsThough it seems like Drac's bigger problem might be that they're clearly standing around in direct sunlight.

As a final appeal to bring Doom to his side, Dracula brings out the ultimate debate winner: straight up racism.

Marvel Comics

Marvel Comics"Sell that shit to Red Skull, asshole."

We don't know what's more bizarre: the fact that Dracula talks about Islam as if he's auditioning for a spot on Fox & Friends, or that Doom doesn't. It just seems that racism would be his bag, what with the whole "evil dictator" thing. Between this and openly weeping at 9/11, we're starting to think that we've misjudged him this whole time.

The Thanoscopter made its baffling second appearance (its first was in the drunken fever dream of the writer) in Spidey Super Stories #39, in which the Mad Titan tries and fails to steal the Cosmic Cube from a child.

Marvel Comics

Marvel ComicsWe can't wait for that kid to make an appearance in Avengers: Endgame. It promises to be an epic showdown, if nothing else.

After getting his lunch handed to him by, once again, a literal child, Thanos is taken away by two normal NYPD officers. The Thanoscopter was presumably taken by the kid and melted down into a trophy.

Marvel ComicsIn prison, Thanos is forced to join the Dracula Brotherhood to survive.

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