One Of Disneyland's Creepiest Urban Legends Is Actually True

Some people don't like the thought of their dearly departed spending an afterlife in the sodden ground or on the mantelpiece of their most guilt-tripped child. They want to scatter their ashes, preferably in a place that reminds their loved ones of the most cherished moments they spent together in life. And for a disturbing amount of people, that fondest memory seems to be of Disneyland.

Yeah, that's not stardust.DisneyYeah, that's not stardust.

Continue Reading Below


This week, The Wall Street Journal ran the most scathing expose in its entire history: People do in fact dump their dead relatives all over Disneyland. Whispers about every Disney resort being coated in a fine powder of its former guests has been a popular urban legend for years, but now custodians finally spilled the dirt and confirmed that cleaning the happiest places on Earth might just have the highest human remains to vomit ratio outside of a high school bake sale. Despite the unauthorized scattering of ashes being very illegal, Disney fanatics are known to dump their dead in flower beds, firework lawns, the moat underneath the Dumbo ride ... anything that's a mournful shuffle away from the Magic Teacup line, it seems.

Continue Reading Below


Continue Reading Below


Of course, the most popular spot is the Haunted Mansion, which according to one custodian, "probably has so much human ashes in it that it's not even funny." Surely, that depends on whether or not your sense of humor includes the image of technicians shutting down a haunted house ride because an asthmatic 11-year-old is choking on someone's grandma. On average, Disney workers have to deal with this about once a month. It's such a recurring part of their work that some employees claim they've learned to recognize human cremains with a cursory glance, which is not the kind of job experience we'd expect former Sleeping Beauties to be able to put on their resumes.

Pictured: Disney custodians after a long shift.DisneyPictured: Disney custodians after a long shift.

Continue Reading Below


Continue Reading Below


But future Small World litterers beware: You're not giving anyone the happily ever after you feel they deserve. Whenever a Disney employee spots a heap of ex-person in the park, they call in the code "HEPA Cleanup." HEPA as in the filters in vacuums, which are used to hoover up whatever's left of your loved ones and unceremoniously dispose of them. So if you're thinking about sending Grandpa off to the big Disney Castle in the sky, know that his true final resting place will actually be among shed Goofy fur and excess vomit sawdust out by the Disney dumpsters.

For more weird tangents and his personal recipes for toilet wine, do follow Cedric on Twitter.

Continue Reading Below


Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out Pirates Of The Caribbean Might Be Rebooted, Minus Capt. Jack and Behold, The Most Important 1980s Action Movie Study Ever.

Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Follow us on Facebook. Or don't, it's your life.

To turn on reply notifications, click here


Load Comments

More Articles

5 Of The Most 'Wuh?' Facts History Class Never Covered

These hilarious stories should have been taught in every school.


A First Look At Unsanctioned, Magic: The Gathering's New Set

Squirrels, goblins, and chickens, oh my!


5 Historical Landmarks (That Are Total Frauds)

Some of the most historical sites in the world are just trying to compete with Disneyland.


6 Great Historical Places (That Are Dumb As Balls In 2020)

Here are a few historically important sites to which time has been more than unkind.


5 Towns Ruined By The Movies Filmed There

We're not sure if you've noticed this, but movie fans can get a little ... obsessive.


4 Dumb Ways Your Favorite Sites Are Dying

Major sites are getting hit hard.