5 Surprising Ways Your Genes Are Secretly Ruining Your Life

And indeed, over two tests done over the course of four days, participants with the variant both performed worse and remembered less. There are some caveats, as the study used a simulator and only involved 29 people. But researchers were still surprised that there was a clear connection between the genetic variation and poorer performance, given the incredible complexity of basically everything your brain ever does. Just keep in mind that it's not like the people with the BDNF deficiency are mouth-breathing morons. In fact, the variant helps people resist neurodegenerative diseases like Parkinson's and MS. So adjust your hilarious routine to "most people drive and get brain diseases like this, but people with fewer brain secretions drive and get sick like this " accordingly.

The mutation is associated with -- although far from the only cause of -- delayed sleep phase disorder. DSPD means longer nights, tougher mornings, and a connection with anxiety, depression, cardiovascular disease, and diabetes. Oh, and DSPD affects up to 10 percent of the population, although it can be managed through dedicated exposure to daylight and other sleep strategies. So let's make a deal: People who stay up late will stop suggesting that the workday begin at 11:30 if everyone else stops accusing them of being groggy only because they couldn't tear themselves away from YouTube all night.

Remember that this is a rough correlation, not a guaranteed explanation. Our tastes are complicated, so you can hate cilantro even without the generic variation. Conversely, those with the relevant variations can still grow to love it, although it's unclear why they'd want to invest time in acquiring a taste for stagnant nuclear plant wastewater.

But an increasing body of research suggests that while musical training (especially early exposure to training) can help you develop your sense of pitch, there's also a crucial genetic component. Perfect pitch is "associated with an unusually large memory span for speech sounds," which essentially means that certain people are great at memorizing audio, a skill that differs from our ability to memorize visuals. "Highly heritable differences in auditory neural functions" are also a factor, which is a fancy way of saying that if your parents suck at karaoke, you're not going to warble out "Don't Stop Believing" any better than them. At least they won't be able to notice how terrible you are.

It appears, however, that odor plays the greatest role.

By studying some no doubt under-compensated test subjects who agreed to expose their hands to mosquitoes, scientists found that while identical twins (whose genetics are generally, well, identical) were bitten at about the same rate, some fraternal twins were bitten far less than their unlucky siblings. The difference was theorized to be linked to genes that science believes control odor cues in order to deter incest. Yes, our miraculous human bodies, with their almost impossibly complicated programming, use the same trait that subconsciously discourages you from wanting to bone your uncle to determine how likely mosquitoes are to snack on you. Truly, the wonders of scientific discovery know no bounds.

There may be other genetic factors as well, and this finding doesn't mean that mosquito repellent is now as simple as slapping an extra layer of deodorant on, hoping you avoid mosquitoes that are into some freaky shit, and calling it a day. But additional research into the odor factor could help develop more effective repellents (current repellents tend to lose their efficacy after a few hours as mosquitoes become immune to the smell). That would making camping more tolerable, and more importantly, help combat diseases like malaria and dengue. Although those would be stopgap measures while Cracked's Science Division develops Operation Trick All The Mosquitoes Into Flying Directly Into The Sun By Making It Smell Real Juicy.

Mark is on Twitter and wrote a book.

Wouldn't it be relaxing to just float away in a gene pool? Ba-dum-TSH

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