5 Early Roles Famous Actors Probably Wish We'd Forget

When somebody first starts out in show business, they have to take some not entirely dignified roles in order to gain experience, build out their resumes, and provide Youtube with hilarious fodder for after they get famous. For example...

Advertisement

5
Jennifer Lawrence Played A Mascot On Monk

It's every young actor's dream to appear alongside an icon of stage and screen, even if it's only on a deodorant commercial. It's a sign that you're entering the big leagues, where the pay is better and people offer you better drugs. So when a young Jennifer Lawrence landed a role on Monk, she was probably really excited. Until they brought out the costume.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

That thumbnail is deceptive. She's in the costume with the head on for the vast majority of her screen time -- which clocks in at a grand total of 44 seconds. Her actual, non-feline face only appears 36 seconds into the clip.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

As she later explained, the role she thought she accepted was significantly downgraded to this scene and a mere two lines of dialogue -- a mortifying state of affairs made worse by the fact that all of her friends and family were watching for her to appear. Then she had to be like, "That's me in the costume, riding the lead character like a sweaty mule." Still less embarrassing than Passengers, though.

This one didn't win an Emmy, but it did win FurryCon 2007's Least Insulting Furry Media Appearance (Full-Body Category).NBCUniversal TelevisionThis one didn't win an Emmy, but it did win FurryCon 2007's Least Insulting Furry Media Appearance (Full-Body Category).

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

4
Idris Elba Was A Badly Dubbed Pizza Delivery Astronaut

Idris Elba can make anything look good. For the best possible example, take his one-episode turn as "Space Pizza Delivery Guy" on Space Precinct.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Created by the same guy who did Thunderbirds (the 1960s' greatest marionette sci-fi show), Space Precinct was one of Britain's attempts at replicating the success of Star Trek. As a low-budget knockoff, Space Precinct could only afford low-budget actors -- which included one Idris Elba. Or at least, the body of Idris Elba, because his voice was latter dubbed over by what sounds like a Buzz Lightyear action figure that'd suffered a nasty stroke.

Sublight Pizza, ayyyyyyyy -- actual dialogueTinopolis"Sublight Pizza, ayyyyyyyy" -- actual dialogue

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Space Precinct was cancelled after 24 episodes, and while that sounds bad, remember that's, like, seven years in British TV terms.

3
Amanda Seyfried Was A YA Novel Model

You might know Amanda Seyfried from her role in the Mamma Mia franchise, but if you're looking for an even more melodramatic saga, we heartily recommend this series of young adult novels that she modeled for back in 2003.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Francine Pascal's Victoria Martin trilogy recounts the adventures of average, everyday schoolgirl Victoria Martin during a beach vacation ...

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

This was back when every YA novel wasn't about dystopian futures or making out with 100-year-old dudes.Simon PulseThis was back when every YA novel wasn't about dystopian futures or making out with 100-year-old dudes.

... her time working at a crappy summer camp ...

This is what happens when you dictate your books' titles whilst ordering hot dogs.Simon PulseThis is what happens when you dictate your books' titles whilst ordering hot dogs.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

... and when she went back in time to make friends with her own mom.

Unfortunately, no one has gone back in time to tell them this is a stupid title.Simon PulseUnfortunately, no one has gone back in time to tell them this is a stupid title.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Seyfried isn't the first name actress to get her start on a book cover. Here's Kirsten Dunst modeling for a Babysitters Club book all the way back in 1986 (she's the baby):

The Teen Phone Harasser is definitely Spider-Man's creepiest villain.Scholastic Books"The Teen Phone Harasser" is definitely Spider-Man's creepiest villain.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

2
Tina Fey And Scott Adsit Wrote And Voiced A '90s Pinball Machine

In 2006, television was made roughly 1,000,000 percent more interesting with the arrival of 30 Rock, which saw Tina Fey and Scott Adsit helming an SNL-esque variety show under the watchful corporate eye of Alec Baldwin, back in the days when it was still okay to like that guy.

But before 30 Rock, Fey and Adsit had another gig together, a pinball game called Medieval Madness.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

The two were hired for the gig (along with another writer) after one of the pinball machine higher-ups caught a Second City improv show and figured that with their comedy chops, they'd create perfect dialogue for a.... medieval-themed... pinball game? Those have dialogue?

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Both Adsit and Fey recorded several characters each, a fact that's notable for two reasons: 1) Medieval Madness went on to become one of the most beloved games in pinball history, and 2) one of the characters voiced by Fey, a princess, possesses one of the worst Cockney accents in anything history.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

1
Ashley Judd Had To Fake Brain Orgasms On Star Trek

When you sign up for a role on Star Trek, you have to accept that you'll be doing some weird crap. You know, like playing host to an alien parasite, fleeing from a man-eating dust bunny, kissing William Shatner, that sort of thing. And then there was Ashley Judd's role...

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

"The Game" centers around an ultra-addictive video game that turns the crew of the Enterprise into ether dribbling pixel junkies or zombies tasked with hunting down anyone who isn't addicted yet. This is all despite the fact that the game in question looks like it wouldn't have made it past QA for the Dreamcast.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

It's therefore up to the only two non-addicted crew members, Wesley and Ashley Judd's Robin Lefler, to stop the game. But the bad guys are closing in, meaning the only way to avoid capture is to pretend they're hooked on the game too. Which leads to ... this (be prepared to get weird looks if you watch this at work):

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

This episode ends with the duo managing to disable the game and take back the ship, after which Robin never makes another appearance. We can't imagine why.

Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook, and has a newsletter about depressing history that you should definitely subscribe to.

Write some roles actors won't regret later with a beginner's guide to Celtx.

Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out Embarrassing Early Jobs Famous Actors Hope Nobody Remembers and 6 Embarrassing Roles Marvel Actors Hope You Forgot.

Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Follow us on Facebook. If you like jokes and stuff.

To turn on reply notifications, click here

77 Comments

Load Comments

More Articles

The Classic Sitcom That Looks Completely Insane In 2019

Let us pitch you a sitcom ...

312

5 Infuriating Luxuries Only Available To The Ultra-Rich

What does the person who has everything buy for themselves?

143

5 Huge News Stories The Media Straight-Up Forgot About

Sometimes the follow-up is worse than original headline-grabbing story.

146

The 6 Most Epically Lazy Ripoffs Of Famous Movies And Shows

Some people in entertainment don't even bother trying to come up with fresh ideas.

87