Kindergarten Cop Released A Sequel 26 Years Later (With A Different Musclebound 1980s Star)
Hollywood knows "brawny guys and cute kids" is a foolproof formula, and has repeated it in blockbusters like The Pacifier, The Tooth Fairy, and Kindergarten Cop, the film that gave us the timeless tradition of asking people who their daddies are and what they do. By 2016, they had apparently run out of convoluted situations in which to pair the Rock with a preschool class, so they dusted off their time machines to unearth '80s Swedish relic Dolph Lundgren.
Universal PicturesConsidering Lundgren's credentials, kindergarten seems a little insulting, but we guess Organic Chem TA Cop doesn't have the same ring to it.
Lundgren plays Agent Reed, who is tasked with retrieving a missing flash drive that contains the names of people under federal witness protection, which somehow requires him to pose as a kindergarten teacher. It involves a scene in which he holds up a Twix-hogging vending machine at gunpoint, just to drive home how ill-suited he is for all of his careers.
Universal PicturesThen again, anyone bogarting a Twix deserves what they get.
Lundgren was initially reluctant to take the role because he was anxious about not living up to Schwarzenegger's legacy, which is understandable. The original netted a whole six stars on IMDb, more than Lundgren has gotten in all of his movies combined. In the end, he may not have outmuscled Mr. Olympia's performance, but Ivan Drago killed the line-dancing competition.
Universal PicturesJust like he killed Apollo Creed!
Jarhead 2 And 3 Followed A Bleak Tale With Explosion-Filled Extravaganzas
Jarhead was based on a real-life account of the crushing boredom and extreme conditions experienced by soldiers in Iraq during the Persian Gulf War. It's poignant, harrowing, and above all dismal as hell. Then Jarhead 2 and Jarhead 3 went direct to video (and also full Michael Bay).