4

We Can Study How The Earth Evolved With Corn Syrup

We have a pretty solid big picture idea of how the Earth changed from a giant clump of dust and gas into the rock we're all standing on today, but some of the finer points still elude us. Like, can anyone really prove where all those shifty giraffes came from? Also, the precise way that molten rock flows beneath ocean ridges, which would explain why the Earth has the geography that it does, is still mysterious to us. That's what this entry is about. We'll get to those giraffes another day.

Magma and plate drifting is hard to study, because the Earth is obviously not dominated by magma today. And because scientists have callously refused our repeated pleas to "make life like Star Trek already," we can't simply pop over to another planet in an earlier stage of development and observe it. We can run computer simulations, but those have their limits, as anyone whose PC started smoking when they tried to add more grass and shadows to their Far Cry game knows. So some University of Rhode Island researchers are using corn syrup instead. 165 gallons of it, specifically.

Randy Osga/Univ. of Rhode IslandAt least if the experiment is a bust, they’re all set to make pancakes.

The syrup is the magma, and six rotating belts represent the Earth's tectonic plates. The belts move the syrup around, and one minute of syrupy flow represents a million years of time. If you need your own minute to get over the crushing feelings of cosmic insignificance this instills in you, we'll understand.

You good? Alright, so by observing the flow of syrup, the researchers get a sense of the effects that plate tectonics had over the course of billions of years, and what they're doing to the planet today. It's not going to fill every gap in our knowledge, but it's a new tool in the box that's already come up with a couple of theories, like the idea that volcanic lava comes from a shallower depth than we currently think. Just try not to think too hard about the implications of living on a planet that can be accurately simulated with a few tubs of corn syrup.

3

We're Studying Cosmic Rays With Phone Cameras

Cosmic rays are constantly entering the Earth's atmosphere, sometimes showering particles everywhere and presumably giving at least a few people superpowers that should emerge any day now. Scientists are especially interested in ultra-high-energy cosmic rays, which are the rays that get really enthusiastic about going to space brunch. We know that they emerge from supernovas and black holes, but many of their properties are still a mystery. To properly study them, we'd need a detector the size of a small country, but particle detectors use a lot of the same technology that phone cameras do. So scientists said, "What if we distributed this detection network across a ton of phones? And then what if we called it Particleville Saga?" And then for legal reasons, they only did the first thing.

UC Irvine, CRAYFIS collaboration Now your phone can spend all day decoding the mysteries of the Universe (or you can decode a mystery instantly with a microtransaction).

2

We're Learning About Epileptic Seizures With Apple Watches

One of the best ways to fight seizures is to find out what triggers them, since we've long given up "vengeful brain demons" as a theory. To that end, a ten-month study asked 598 participants to open a specially designed Apple Watch app whenever they felt a focal seizure coming on (focal seizures can be felt coming, others can't), which on the scale of augmented reality is slightly less fun than catching Pokemon. The app then used the watch's sensors to track the user's movements and heart rate, had them perform tests to see how responsive they were, and gave them a post-seizure survey on how they felt, what it had been like, and whether anything in particular seemed like it had triggered the event. We do the same thing for sexual encounters.

Johns Hopkins UniversityNot that there are many when you’re wearing that dorky watch everywhere.

The benefits were twofold. Researchers collected data that helped them better understand seizures, and participants could map out a history of their seizures, medication use and side effects, etc. to see what was causing them trouble. Stress and a lack of sleep were the most common triggers, while menstruation, overexertion, diet, and illness were also factors. And while it may sound like obvious advice to eat well and get enough sleep, we were up until 3:30 a.m. eating pizza topped with wings last night, because self-improvement is easier said than done. But seeing a clear pattern between problems in your life and epileptic seizures can help cut down on the fundamental unpredictability of seizures, even a little bit.

1

We're Studying The Economic Impact Of Minimum Wage Increases With Yelp

Minimum wage, a topic guaranteed to inspire impassioned Facebook arguments between two groups of your friends who have never met in person, is a contentious issue. People opposed to increases argue that they could shutter businesses, while proponents point out that if you can't afford to pay your employees a wage that allows them to spring for the fancy instant ramen when they go home to their three roommates, maybe you're not running a very good business.

It's an issue complicated by countless variables, but the fact that some cities are increasing their minimum wage while others hold fast does give researchers some data to play with. In San Francisco, minimum wage went up 21 times between 2008 and 2016, because the cost of living in the Bay Area ranges from "What the?!" to "Nuh-uh."

Rentcafe.comPresumably, the biggest change was fewer reviews that included the phrase “Employees clearly living in supply closet.”

One study also used Yelp data to see how restaurants fared as the cost of paying employees rose. What they discovered was that, while a restaurant with a perfect five-star Yelp rating was unaffected by wage increases, a restaurant with an average 3.5 rating saw a 14 percent increase in their likelihood of closing. They didn't say what the effect was on restaurants that had one-star ratings because something in their salads kept moving, but you can probably guess their fates for yourselves.

The conclusion was that minimum wage increases could be thinning the restaurant herd, as mediocre ones are forced to close while the popular ones survive without issue. Before you start writing your angry screeds, keep in mind that this says nothing about whether an increased minimum wage is generally good or bad for the economy. Researchers answered that question with a shrug, because research is complicated. In fact, their point is that it's too simplistic to say that a minimum wage law -- or any law -- is either good or bad for business. You also need to look at which businesses are affected, because there are huge differences between a beloved family restaurant and Sal's Roach Trap. And because this kind of research can be done with crowdsourced data like Yelp reviews, that time you got drunk and complained that a Mexican place wouldn't let you wear the hats they had on the walls could help shape public policy.

Mark is on Twitter and has a book.

Support Cracked's journalism with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out 5 Bizarre Accidents That Helped Invent Modern Medicine and 5 Accidental Inventions That Changed The World.

Follow us on Facebook. Why don't ya?