Now, this news didn't shock the Lake Worthers. They'd gotten used to sightings of waxy-skinned hordes shambling their way through the swamp -- and not just because they live so close to Disney World. Ben Kerr, the city public information officer, told Gizmodo that ever since Hurricane Irma, their public message system has been sending out these weird warnings of an oncoming zombie invasion. And Irma was almost a year ago. Even Romero zombies aren't that slow. The city still doesn't have a lead on who's responsible for these prank hacks, but they're sure they've scrubbed the last of the zombie messages from their system. That way, according to Kerr, "the next time there is a zombie invasion alert, it will be a real zombie invasion."
With the U.S. having a bit of a fake emergency message epidemic right now, many have noted how dangerous it is to cry wolf on an official government channel, as that kind of untrustworthiness could cost lives when something actually happens. Then again, if there's any place that needn't worry about an undead apocalypse, it's Florida, where what doesn't kill you already migrated to Georgia. Zombism wouldn't even get into the top five worst infections you can contract down there. The biggest worry for Floridians is that they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a supernatural flesh-eating zombie and a perfectly normal face-eating meth head. And between the rising water levels, the lizard infestations (both native and former pets), and the many many stray bullets everywhere, those zombies would get eaten ... well, not alive, but you get the point.
For more attempts at witticism and his personal recipes for toilet wine, follow Cedric on Twitter.
Follow us on Facebook ... before it's too late!
Recommended For Your Pleasure
The flow of time is cruel to us all.
- By Mark Hill
- April 12, 2019
Lots of people forgot these movie moments ... but, like, how?
- By JM McNab
- April 11, 2019