Then there's the irony of seniors serving seniors. Maine needs temporary workers in the summer for its cruise season, so workampers come to serve their wealthy demographic counterparts, waiting tables, driving tour buses, and cleaning the messes in their respective toilets. Which might help explain our next entry ...
Suicide Is Terrifyingly High Among The Elderly
Common sense says that old people should be almost impervious to suicide. They're wiser and more experienced than most of us, they're less likely to have an emotional meltdown because their girlfriend dumped them or their favorite band broke up, and perhaps more importantly, they've made it this far. Even if they absolutely hate life, they know they only have to stick around for a few more years before the Grim Reaper shows up on his own.
Unfortunately, that's not what the numbers say. In the United States, 12.4 per 100,000 people in general commit suicide, but for those over 65, that number jumps to 14.9. That's without counting all the elderly suicides that coroners "go to great lengths" to report as accidents, because this shit is existentially terrifying for everyone. To be fair, seniors in America make fewer suicide attempts than younger people, but they die more often. Why? It's less about them being frail and more about the fact that they're old-fashioned and favor guns as a method.
The TraceAre Millennials killing suicide?
Asia is where things get really dark for old people, or anyone who is a fan of them being alive. Elder suicides have exploded in places like South Korea (400 percent increase since 1990), Taiwan, Hong Kong, and China (over twice the national average). The irony is that this is happening in countries with increased wealth and economic growth, but that's probably not a coincidence. Societal changes mean that mass amounts of people have moved from rural areas to the cities, leaving their old folks back home all alone and depressed. China's former one-child policy hasn't helped, either. In America, if one of your kids is an ingrate who won't visit or call, at least you have, on average, 2.14 other children to rely on. In China, you're stuck with the one.
Then there's Japan, where old people don't have the highest suicide rate ... but only because its suicide rate for 35-64-year-olds is unusually high.
In this case, the rate is also tied to economic growth: Japanese people are working themselves to death, literally. That ... that's a thing? Please forgive us as we lazily don't think of a way to end this paragraph.
Chris Scott owns a bookstore in a small Midwestern town, like in Penthouse! She is a regular contributor to Prairie Dog Magazine. S.S.A. is also on TopBuzz. You can make Mike Bedard's grandparents very proud of him by following him on Twitter.
Support Cracked's journalism with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
For more, check out 8 Mind-Blowing Realities Of Our Future Full Of Old People and No Kids Or Minorities: 5 Realities Of A City For Old People.
Tell your mom to follow us on Facebook.