Apocalypse has a healing factor that makes Deadpool look like a guy with a nut allergy giving a rimjob to Mr. Peanut. As far as he knows, there is nothing on Earth that can harm him. It's not until he meets Jean Grey and experiences her full Phoenix powers that he realizes he can be harmed at all. And there is no possible way that any of his followers could have protected him from the goddamned Phoenix -- including Storm, even though she's the coolest X-Person and there will be no debate about this.
The Caretaker From Harry Potter Is So Pointless It's Cruel
Hogwarts is a big castle, and they need somebody to keep the place clean and safe. In the past, a wizard has always done the job, but at the time The Boy Who Lived shows up, Argus Filch holds the position. Filch is a "squib," which means he was born to magic-wielding parents, but is unable to perform any magic himself. Which is weird, because most first-year students could take over Filch's responsibilities in between classes. If someone spills some dragon semen on the floor during Potions, Filch has to show up with some sawdust and a broom. Hermione could pop off a quick Tergeo spell to siphon it up, and everybody would be on their way. And that's even before you get to that army of sort-of-slave creatures Hogwarts employs to cook and clean.
But Filch has other duties, right? He's also a disciplinarian, in charge of making sure the kids aren't out of their dorms at night. If he isn't patrolling the halls, they might wander into a room with a dangerous creature in it. Except wizards have maps that can detect the location of anyone in the castle at any time. Hogwarts's surveillance state issues aside, why on Earth is this guy necessary?
Warner Bros. PicturesOther than giving fans a great pairing for their slash fics.
The popular theory is that Dumbledore felt sorry for FIlch, so he gave him a job and a purpose. But what a frustrating job to give someone with what's basically a disability. That's the real-world equivalent of making a handicapped person the janitor of an entire shopping mall, but only letting them clean the floors with an angry cat dipped in Ajax.
Abraham survived Mexico City's latest earthquake, but you can help those that still need help here. You can say hi to him on Twitter here, or visit his DeviantArt here. Jordan Breeding also writes for Paste Magazine, the twitter, himself, and this article is perfect evidence that he has a pointless job.
Another job that's been rendered pointless is you doing the vacuuming -- that is, if you spring for a Roomba.
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