4

A Female Professional Wrestler Was An Old Lady Strangler

Starting in 2003, little old grandmas who lived alone in Mexico started dying. That wouldn't be so weird -- dying is what grandmas eventually do -- but these women were all strangled to death. The police believed the killer to be a man disguised as a woman, because an eyewitness saw someone rather muscular in a dress fleeing one of the homes. They assumed the killer had a "confused sexual identity," and started bringing in known crossdressers for questioning.

But when police finally caught the killer leaving the house of a victim, they discovered she was Juana Barraza, a professional masked wrestler who went by the name the Silent Lady.

via prowrestling.wikia.com

3

Ervil Lebaron Led A Mormon Death Squad From Beyond The Grave

Another big difference between slasher movie villains and real-life pieces of shit is that the latter don't get sequels. No cult ritual is going to bring Ted Bundy back to life. Yet Ervil LeBaron kept his body count climbing even after he died, using a method that is arguably even creepier.

When the Mormon church decided they weren't cool with polygamy anymore, the LeBaron family decided to head for greener pastures in Mexico. Two patriarchs of the family were Joel LeBaron and Ervil LeBaron, the latter of whom you've noticed has a name that would be considered too on-the-nose for a cartoon villain. Ervil LeBaron (thunder crash) had 13 wives and 50 children, and as expected from any good cult leader, he claimed he was the sole representative of God on Earth. This guy's entire life was red flags.

AP

When his older brother Joel kicked Ervil out of his sect for being a dick, Ervil started his own branch of Mormonism, the Church of the Lamb of God. Ervil brought back a long-forgotten rule of Mormonism: the "blood atonement," which allowed him to murder sinners in order to cleanse their spirits and send them to heaven. The fact that his victims were people who challenged his authority was probably a coincidence. Ervil's first victim was, unsurprisingly, his brother Joel.

2

A Nurse Intentionally Caused Dozens Of Heart Failures To Play Hero

Niels Hogel was a nurse at several intensive care units in Germany from the late 1990s to the early 2000s, and he was the shit at resuscitating patients. He enjoyed saving lives so much that if there was nobody in need of saving, he'd help them along a little so he could have his time to shine.

Since Hogel had easy access to cardiovascular drugs, he'd quietly inject patients' IVs with a little something extra to stop their hearts. Then he would save them. Or not. Sometimes they would die. Look, you can't save everyone! A co-worker noted later that when he failed to revive them, he would always appear distraught. "What kind of cruel god would let this happen?!?"

Hogel did this many, many times. He bounced around from hospital to hospital, wasting medicine and lives wherever he went. At a hospital in Oldenburg, suspicions arose about the increasing number of deaths in his unit. They tried moving him to another (thinking maybe he was just bad luck, or something?), but eventually they pressured him to quit because he acted really weird whenever anyone needed resuscitation, always muscling in to do it himself. All the same, they gave him a nice recommendation which would lead to his job in Delmenhorst. Sure, the guy's a bit of a glory hog, but damn if he doesn't save a lot of lives!

Rainer Fromm

1

Moses Sithole Killed A Bunch Of Women, Jerked Off During His Confession

Moses Sithole (seriously, these names) was sometimes described as the Ted Bundy of South Africa, though he could also have been described as the turd in the punch bowl of society. Police arrested him in 1989 for raping a woman, and released him in 1993 on good behavior. The lesson Sithole seemed to learn from this is that society is oddly forgiving of people like him. It was time to escalate.

His modus operandi was nightmarish on several levels, the first being that he would rape women, then kill them by strangling them with their own underwear. Specifically, this fucker would hogtie his victims in such a way that if they tried to relax their muscles, their underwear around their neck would strangle them, basically making them fight themselves for their own lives. He would masturbate while they died.

Bio

The breakthrough in the investigation came in 1995, when police discovered mass graves at the Van Dyk Mine. Forensic experts were able to recover ten bodies. It was so horrific that President Mandela had to console the traumatized public. Police caught their first real lead when they discovered that most of the victims died on the day they were to meet Sithole about a job opportunity.

Yeah, the second part of Sithole's method puts him above and beyond even his fellow monsters. He had created an organization called Youth Against Human Abuse to exploit both the job scarcity in Gauteng and the good natures of various young women. He claimed the organization helped the many homeless children in South Africa and worked toward the eradication of child abuse. It's like he made it his mission to only torture the best, most selfless women. When he was finally caught, Sithole had already raped and killed 38 of them.

Oh, and during interrogations, he refused to talk to male detectives. He would only talk about his crimes with female detectives, masturbating while he confessed. The court sentenced Sithole to 2,410 years in prison, with no possible parole for at least 930 years. Once again, he got off easy.

Laura H uses her Cracked money to feed her reading habit. Follow her on Twitter. Abraham lives in Mexico, but he likes eating tacos de suadero a lot more than murders. You can say hi to him on Twitter here , or you can laugh at his deviant art here. Michael Battaglino is a new contributor to Cracked.com. Be sure to check out some of his other work if you enjoyed this article. Zanandi follows some questionable people on Twitter.

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