4

A Student Saves A Classmate's Life, Gets Suspended

Sixth-grader Adrionna Harris saw one of her fellow students cutting his own arms with a razor blade, so she did the reasonable thing, snatched the razor out of the boy's hands, talked him down, then went to the school administrators to tell them what happened. They also did the reasonable thing, and suspended her for ten days, then threatened to expel her.

Reasonable is a ... relative term.

It seems that by taking a razor away from a self-harming student, Harris had run afoul of the school's zero-tolerance policy. Yes, by holding the blade in her hand for the fraction of a second it took to remove it from the possession of a person actively using it to harm themselves, Harris was in violation of school rules. And what's worse, she admitted it.

Fortunately, school officials soon realized the error of their ways, but only after they were forcibly educated by a social media campaign and local news expose. Harris' suspension was revoked after only seven days, and the incident was removed from her record entirely. Hopefully she won't think twice about helping another student in that fashion, but if she did, could you blame her?

3

Newlyweds Save An Airplane, Spend Their Honeymoon Sleeping In A Terminal

In 2017, newlyweds Mike and Rachel Brumfield were waiting for their flight to Italy to take off when they took a gander out the window and noticed that fuel was pouring out of the left wing.

"Passenger, please turn your cellular device OFF. You are threatening the safety of the flight."

Mike informed the flight attendants, who of course told him to sit down and shut up. To be fair, The Twilight Zone probably ruined the whole "You have to look out at the wing!" thing for everybody. Eventually, the Brumfields convinced one of the attendants to check it out, and the pilots were notified. They shut down the engines while fire trucks were dispatched and the passengers evacuated, along with everyone's bowels.

In a show of gratitude, United Airlines rewarded Mike and Rachel with ... a food voucher. OK, it's not much, but it's something! At least they weren't getting punished for helping. Oh wait, they had to sleep in the terminal, as their replacement flight wasn't leaving until the following evening, and United wasn't about to spring for a hotel, even if they just saved one of their planes.

Well, crap.

The next morning, another passenger offered to let the Brumfields use their hotel voucher until the replacement flight was ready. The takeaway here seems to be that if you ever find yourself in a position to save an aircraft, you might want to let someone else take the credit.

2

A Man Helping A Lost Toddler Gets Beaten And Slandered

Earlier this year, an unidentified Florida man was out enjoying a normal day of baseball and sensationalist news headlines when he spotted a two-year-old girl who looked lost. He asked where her parents were, but she, being a toddler, didn't have anything worthwhile to say. So he picked her up and began the search. Meanwhile, her parents had undertaken their own search effort, and some bystanders reported that they'd seen a man carrying the girl ... unhelpfully adding that he was "probably a child molester." Guess he had that "I have an underground sadness hole where I store my innocent lives" look about him.

1

A Good Samaritan Helps An Apparent Hit-And-Run Victim, Gets Sued Into Suicide

On New Year's Eve 2013, in the Guangdong province of China, Wu Weiqing was riding out the old year on his motorcycle when he saw an elderly man collapsed by the side of the road. Wu's first clue that something was off: The man accused Wu himself of hitting him. Wu logically assumed the man was disoriented, so he paid it no mind and carried him all the way to the hospital anyway. He also went ahead and paid the man's ER bill, about 600 American dollars, and thought that would be the end of it.

Imagine Wu's surprise when he found out that not only was the man asserting that Wu had hit him with his bike, but he was also now demanding that Wu pay more than $30,000 for the rest of his treatment. Wu soon found himself hounded by calls from the man's family. Rather than bankrupt his own family paying for a crime he didn't commit, Wu killed himself. After hearing of Wu's death, the man revealed the truth about who truly hit him: nobody. He had fallen on his own and couldn't afford treatment. That's it. There's no winner in this story. It's a sadness-coated pill, filled only with more sadness.

Good day.

John wrote a book about cruise ship passengers with explosive diarrhea. It's as delightful as it sounds.

No good deed goes unpunished? Say "f--k you" to the wrath of the unfeeling universe with this complete first aid kit. You can never be TOO prepared. Just ask Batman.

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