Celebrities: they're just like you and me! Well, if you and me are bafflingly, passionately into the paranormal. Also, when a celebrity says they were probed by little green men, they get a ton of press time. Your Aunt Ida swears she saw the ghost of Ulysses S. Grant in her bathtub, and she can barely make page six of The Harlan Daily. Thankfully, it's that press time that lets the world know that their favorite stars are into some weird bullshit. For example ...
Look, being a pop star is hard; you have groupies, tour riders, and underlings you need to abuse. We get it. Having so much power over so many lesser people's self esteem can be a drag. So it was understandable when in 2007, Robbie Williams, formerly of the boy band Take That (imagine a British "Backstreet Boys" with a delightful leathery twist) took a hiatus from his solo music career. What's less understandable is what Robbie, who put videos of his wife's labor on YouTube, chose to do with that time.
He used his break to look for evidence of extraterrestrial life on Earth. He even went so far as to attend a UFO convention in Nevada to hear abductees talk about their experiences with aliens. No word yet on whether he's had any success with this quest, but then again, he has since reportedly made plans to buy a small island off the coast of California in order to build a luxury home for spotting UFOs. So by Robbie William's definition, we'd say that it's going almost too well.
Matt Bellamy, lead singer of the band Muse, also has two feet firmly planted in the "Aliens are definitely real, dammit" camp. Bellamy's interest in space is clear from the lyrics and titles of songs like "Knights Of Cydonia," "Starlight," and "Supermassive Black Hole." What's isn't clear from his music is that Bellamy is so into space that he believes that the human race was started by aliens, Prometheus-style. This is just from a cinema fan standpoint, but maybe basing your belief system on a terrible prequel to Alien is a bit ... *sigh*. C'mon, Bellamy. Was Alien: Resurrection just too out there for you?
Bellamy also once only took interviews in a helicopter during a promotional tour in New York, because he'd become convinced that the Earth was going to be hit by an asteroid. So he wasn't just being "the Earth is going to end" insane. He was being "the Earth is going to end so GET IN MY SPECIAL, ARMAGEDDON-PROOF CHOPPER" insane.
Of course, there's another level to that. Take Sammy Hagar for instance ...
Sammy Hagar, best known as Not David Lee Roth, is under the impression that some sort of other-worldly beings "tapped into [his] mind through some kind of mysterious wireless connection." So anytime you need WiFi and your only option is "MINDPROBE," just suck it up and use your data.
This happened when Hagar was up in the foothills of Fontana. He believes the aliens connected with him in order to either give him information that he's unaware of, or to take information from his mind as part of an experiment. Whether the information taken from his mind was how best to build a small collection of sex tents underneath a stage for use with groupies after a gig is not clear. All of our knowledge about aliens came from the movie E.T., a film that is almost tragically devoid of sex tents or sex tents-related propaganda.
Hagar also says he was witness to an alien craft when he was four years old. And as a four-year-old, he made the perfectly reasonable decision to throw rocks at it. So let Sammy Hagar be a lesson to everyone who wants to keep their knowledge of sex tents intact: Don't throw rocks at martians. We shouldn't have to tell you this, but dammit, it's become an issue.
As the lead singer of a band that has an album track entitled "Illuminati," it's probably no surprise that Jonathan Davis has some strong views on the subject of conspiracy. In 2011, Davis, the lead singer of Nu Metal band Korn was no fan of President Barack Obama. He believed him to be an Illuminati puppet who was not doing good things for the good ol' U.S. of A. But a theory about Obama being part of a mastermind cult that wanted to bring about the downfall of Western civilization is passe. To stand out in a sea of stupid, it has to be in a lifeboat made out of floatable stupid.
In 2014, he doubled down on this opinion by throwing Miley Cyrus into the mix as well. Davis believes that Obama used Miley Cyrus' controversial performance with Robin Thicke at the 2013 MTV VMAs to distract people from the fact that he was passing a new law to imprison people indefinitely. He appeared on the bastion of reason and sanity that is The Alex Jones Show to talk about his feelings towards Mr. Obama. In the interview, Davis said that he didn't believe himself to be a "political person," which is a pretty accurate statement when your political views are "Hannah Montana and Obama want to destroy us."
Davis is anti-NSA as well, as he believes that they "see what we're doing and watch what we're doing at all times." This frightens and angers Davis, because god help him if the American government thinks that it can watch the frontman of Korn take a dump and get away with it.
While online, looking at videos of otters and taking breaks from that to look at other videos of otters, you may have encountered the oddly popular idea that the Earth is flat. What you may be shocked to find out is that the idea is not confined to dark corners of the internet, and seemingly rational people like basketball player Kyrie Irving believe it and are willing to stand up for our beleaguered 2D planet.
Despite an integral part of his day job involving being familiar with the shape of a sphere, Irving does still says things like this when asked about his belief: "I'm telling you, it's right in front of our faces. They lie to us," and "There is no concrete information except for the information that they're giving us." And when the reaction to this was less "Finally, THE TRUTH" and more "Huh?," Irving doubled down and gave us the ol' "It's OK to think something that, I guess, the majority wouldn't think." If nine people think there's a bomb in the room, and one person thinks it's a cake, you just gotta be okay with Mr. Exploded Face.
Irving isn't alone in the Venn diagram of celebrity flat-Earthers. He is in the high-end company of Tila Tequila and rapper B.o.B, both of whom have taken to Twitter to try and spread their beliefs. B.o.B has even fallen afoul of Neil deGrasse Tyson for his flat Earth opinions, prompting B.o.B to release a diss track called "Flatline" where he calls out the astrophysicist. Because when you're faced with overwhelming evidence, delivered by a revered astrophysicist, the only way to respond is with a hot single about how no, YOU'RE wrong, winner of the Public Welfare Medal from the National Academy Of Sciences.
Sports-playing titan Shaquille O'Neal also dipped a size-22 toe into this crazy pool when, on a podcast, he argued that because he frequently drives long distances and his drive doesn't curve downwards, the Earth must be flat. Later, he said he was just trolling and it was all a big joke, so hahaha? Good one, Shaq.
"Lizard-people" has become short hand for any "conspiracy" that people believe in that is just bonkers. But there are people who actually believe it's true, people like former British soccer player and now professional Lizard People Protester David Icke. Icke and his own niche of insanity include himself, a few other people you won't believe exist, and ... Alice Walker.
Yes, the author of The Color Purple, one of the foremost women of letters in the United States, believes in a race of reptilian beings who came to Earth and interbred with humans and are now running the world. And the thing is, she is otherwise very rational, spending much of her time on humanitarian missions. She's not locked inside with tinfoil covering her head, but she does go about praising David Icke's book and talking about " ... the descendants of the reptilian race that landed on our sweet planet," along with "The Reptilian space beings whose hybrid (part human, part reptile) descendants make our lives hell." Hell, you say? This sounds serious.
She even goes so far as to compare David Icke to Malcolm X: "I wrote that David Icke reminded me of Malcolm X. I was thinking especially of Malcolm's fearlessness." Note to anyone preparing to compare one of the most important figures in the history of civil rights to a guy who talks at length about the infiltrating lizard folk: Think about it.
In a British radio show interview, Walker said that his book Human Race Get Off Your Knees: The Lion Sleeps No More would be the one book in all of human literature that she would take with her on a desert island. Ideas featured in this book include the moon being a giant spacecraft which is beaming a "fake reality broadcast" into the human mind. This is almost inspirational, in a backwards kind of way. Just because you might have ludicrous beliefs about a secret race of lizard humans ruling the world doesn't mean you can't go on to be a success. It's the embodiment of the American Dream, only with more lizard people.
Famous actor and Cable TV packages extraordinaire Rob Lowe went on a trip with his two sons, where he believes he nearly fell victim to an attack by a Bigfoot-like creature known as a "wood ape." While filming a documentary series, Rob Lowe was camping deep in the Ozark Mountains. At 1 a.m., something approached their campsite and, despite the best encouragement of the armed men who were accompanying Lowe, the creature did not make a speedy retreat. Unlike anyone who has ever gone to see a Rob Lowe movie, it was there for Rob Lowe.
Lowe believes this was the mighty wood ape, and he lay on the floor in order to not be killed by it. It is unclear why, if he truly believed he was about to be mauled to death by the real life equivalent of Harry from Harry And The Hendersons, he chose to lie on the floor rather than run the hell away. But it does reveal that, when a human is faced with danger, the three biological reactions are fight, flight, and Rob Lowe.
There is, of course, NO WAY that this could've been just a bear. It was an as-of-yet undiscovered primate that was revealed to the Earth when it menaced the guy who really, really wants you to buy DirecTV. Rob Lowe is pretty coy about how he made it through this apparently life-threatening encounter, but if he did indeed do it by dropping to the dirt, then our Loch Ness Monster Survival Strategy just got about nineteen steps shorter and now involves 100 percent less sprinting and screaming.
Just imagine Kyrie Irving saying "the earth is flat" on this t-shirt.
For more check out 5 Insane Things Otherwise Respected Celebrities Believe and 5 Seemingly Sane Celebrities With Bizarre Paranormal Beliefs.
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Richard Gough
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