5

Sammy Hagar Is An Extraterrestrial Experiment

Sammy Hagar, best known as Not David Lee Roth, is under the impression that some sort of other-worldly beings "tapped into [his] mind through some kind of mysterious wireless connection." So anytime you need WiFi and your only option is "MINDPROBE," just suck it up and use your data.

This happened when Hagar was up in the foothills of Fontana. He believes the aliens connected with him in order to either give him information that he's unaware of, or to take information from his mind as part of an experiment. Whether the information taken from his mind was how best to build a small collection of sex tents underneath a stage for use with groupies after a gig is not clear. All of our knowledge about aliens came from the movie E.T., a film that is almost tragically devoid of sex tents or sex tents-related propaganda.

4

The Lead Singer of Korn Thinks Miley Cyrus Was Helping Barack Obama Destroy America

As the lead singer of a band that has an album track entitled "Illuminati," it's probably no surprise that Jonathan Davis has some strong views on the subject of conspiracy. In 2011, Davis, the lead singer of Nu Metal band Korn was no fan of President Barack Obama. He believed him to be an Illuminati puppet who was not doing good things for the good ol' U.S. of A. But a theory about Obama being part of a mastermind cult that wanted to bring about the downfall of Western civilization is passe. To stand out in a sea of stupid, it has to be in a lifeboat made out of floatable stupid.

In 2014, he doubled down on this opinion by throwing Miley Cyrus into the mix as well. Davis believes that Obama used Miley Cyrus' controversial performance with Robin Thicke at the 2013 MTV VMAs to distract people from the fact that he was passing a new law to imprison people indefinitely. He appeared on the bastion of reason and sanity that is The Alex Jones Show to talk about his feelings towards Mr. Obama. In the interview, Davis said that he didn't believe himself to be a "political person," which is a pretty accurate statement when your political views are "Hannah Montana and Obama want to destroy us."

3

NBA Superstar Kyrie Irving Thinks The Earth Is Flat

While online, looking at videos of otters and taking breaks from that to look at other videos of otters, you may have encountered the oddly popular idea that the Earth is flat. What you may be shocked to find out is that the idea is not confined to dark corners of the internet, and seemingly rational people like basketball player Kyrie Irving believe it and are willing to stand up for our beleaguered 2D planet.

Despite an integral part of his day job involving being familiar with the shape of a sphere, Irving does still says things like this when asked about his belief: "I'm telling you, it's right in front of our faces. They lie to us," and "There is no concrete information except for the information that they're giving us." And when the reaction to this was less "Finally, THE TRUTH" and more "Huh?," Irving doubled down and gave us the ol' "It's OK to think something that, I guess, the majority wouldn't think." If nine people think there's a bomb in the room, and one person thinks it's a cake, you just gotta be okay with Mr. Exploded Face.

Irving isn't alone in the Venn diagram of celebrity flat-Earthers. He is in the high-end company of Tila Tequila and rapper B.o.B, both of whom have taken to Twitter to try and spread their beliefs. B.o.B has even fallen afoul of Neil deGrasse Tyson for his flat Earth opinions, prompting B.o.B to release a diss track called "Flatline" where he calls out the astrophysicist. Because when you're faced with overwhelming evidence, delivered by a revered astrophysicist, the only way to respond is with a hot single about how no, YOU'RE wrong, winner of the Public Welfare Medal from the National Academy Of Sciences.

2

The Author Of The Color Purple Believes The World Is Run By Lizard People

"Lizard-people" has become short hand for any "conspiracy" that people believe in that is just bonkers. But there are people who actually believe it's true, people like former British soccer player and now professional Lizard People Protester David Icke. Icke and his own niche of insanity include himself, a few other people you won't believe exist, and ... Alice Walker.

Yes, the author of The Color Purple, one of the foremost women of letters in the United States, believes in a race of reptilian beings who came to Earth and interbred with humans and are now running the world. And the thing is, she is otherwise very rational, spending much of her time on humanitarian missions. She's not locked inside with tinfoil covering her head, but she does go about praising David Icke's book and talking about " ... the descendants of the reptilian race that landed on our sweet planet," along with "The Reptilian space beings whose hybrid (part human, part reptile) descendants make our lives hell." Hell, you say? This sounds serious.

She even goes so far as to compare David Icke to Malcolm X: "I wrote that David Icke reminded me of Malcolm X. I was thinking especially of Malcolm's fearlessness." Note to anyone preparing to compare one of the most important figures in the history of civil rights to a guy who talks at length about the infiltrating lizard folk: Think about it.

1

Rob Lowe Was Nearly Murdered By Bigfoot

Famous actor and Cable TV packages extraordinaire Rob Lowe went on a trip with his two sons, where he believes he nearly fell victim to an attack by a Bigfoot-like creature known as a "wood ape." While filming a documentary series, Rob Lowe was camping deep in the Ozark Mountains. At 1 a.m., something approached their campsite and, despite the best encouragement of the armed men who were accompanying Lowe, the creature did not make a speedy retreat. Unlike anyone who has ever gone to see a Rob Lowe movie, it was there for Rob Lowe.

Lowe believes this was the mighty wood ape, and he lay on the floor in order to not be killed by it. It is unclear why, if he truly believed he was about to be mauled to death by the real life equivalent of Harry from Harry And The Hendersons, he chose to lie on the floor rather than run the hell away. But it does reveal that, when a human is faced with danger, the three biological reactions are fight, flight, and Rob Lowe.

There is, of course, NO WAY that this could've been just a bear. It was an as-of-yet undiscovered primate that was revealed to the Earth when it menaced the guy who really, really wants you to buy DirecTV. Rob Lowe is pretty coy about how he made it through this apparently life-threatening encounter, but if he did indeed do it by dropping to the dirt, then our Loch Ness Monster Survival Strategy just got about nineteen steps shorter and now involves 100 percent less sprinting and screaming.

Just imagine Kyrie Irving saying "the earth is flat" on this t-shirt.

For more check out 5 Insane Things Otherwise Respected Celebrities Believe and 5 Seemingly Sane Celebrities With Bizarre Paranormal Beliefs.

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