What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now? (6/11/2017)
Welcome to the new Cracked feature which we are tentatively calling What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now? The answer, at this moment, is this:
No one knows if Lord Buckethead is a man or woman, or if it's even the same candidate who's been running since he/she took on Margaret Thatcher in 1987. Maybe it actually is a conquering space lord but they were just intent on following proper procedure for assuming power. Anyway, here's their Twitter.
We're fans of any fashion trend that could have been featured in a 1980s action movie set in the future. That guy is designer Tien Pham who showed off his invention in this video and again here and the reaction was so strong he quit his job to start a company. You can't get them yet, but it's just about ramping up production. And boy, are old people going to hate this. Think about it -- these are the people who are mad at fidget spinners.
This raises hundreds of questions, we'll try to answer the obvious ones. First, why does her dryer produce so much lint? Does it just eat the clothes? No, the answer is weirder -- the community mails her their lint specifically so she can make these sculptures. It took about a month to make, and weighs about ten pounds. No, it's not some kind of convoluted insult toward LeBron ("Stop whining to the refs, lint-ass!") the artist is in Cleveland, she's a fan. As for why, well, why not?
That's a plaque hanging in the locker room of the Trump National Golf Club in New Jersey, it turned up in a photo gallery of the club and was soon noticed by the Twitterverse. Does this really matter, in the grand scheme of things? Not really. But let's admit that if the rich villain in an 80s comedy declared himself golf champion of his own club three years running, you'd consider it too on-the-nose.
OK, so this encounter wasn't completely spontaneous (unlike the time another family randomly met a shirtless Trudeau emerging from a cave in the woods). He was kayaking along as part of a World Environment Day event and stopped to say hello, a moment which of course was immediately uploaded to Twitter. As you know, we are completely nonpartisan at Cracked so we will only say this: Any time Donald Trump makes you upset, imagine him paddling up to your family in a tiny kayak, out of nowhere. You're smiling now, right?
A bunch of students who got accepted to Harvard for the fall semester started a Facebook group, then within that group a clique formed specifically to trade the edgiest of dank memes. Since they were doing this under their own names and also as part of a goddamned Harvard Facebook group, the school found out and yanked their acceptance, a decision the school says is always final. Kids, the real world is not 4chan. The sooner you find that out, the better.
Yep, they've made it official . If you're too old to not have heard this in conversation, examples are, "I'm stick of all of the Taylor Swift stans claiming she's some kind of songwriting genius," or, "I am stanning so had for Kendrick Lamar right now" or "Michael, all of your family and friends are here, this is an intervention to get you to stop using the word 'stan.'"
If you saw "Mr. Met" was the #1 trending topic on Twitter this morning, you knew it was nothing good. This happened on May 31st, as the beloved New York Mets mascot was exiting Citi Field (Jesus, do all sports stadiums have shitty corporate sponsor names now?). Since everyone now has a camera pointed at them at all times, the gesture was of course captured on video, eliminating the "it was all a misunderstanding" defense that humans have been relying on for the last 50,000 years. Still: He went out doing what all other sports mascots merely dream of.
At the time of this writing, it's still up.
This will probably be a lot less funny if it turns out that, say, our president suffered a stroke while typing that tweet, but whatever. What matters is that we live in miraculous times and the most powerful man in the world is, via the magic of technology, able to transmit his every thought to the entire world without a single barrier. No handlers, no spokespersons, not even the rudimentary impulse control possessed by the average toddler stand in his way. There is no way this ends badly!