If you're anything like us, you can't help but see penises in everything: in clouds, in buildings, even in men's underwear. People can't seem to help but create phallic symbols, almost as if dicks secretly run the entire world. And dick imagery can pop up in the most awkward places. Pay enough attention to anything, no matter how mundane, and, as if by magic, a wang will appear out of the ether.
Here are some of those special miracles.
Halftime Shows Are Full Of Dicks
Halftime shows are as much an American sporting tradition as Gatorade or lasting brain damage, and apart from the occasional wardrobe malfunction, they're usually wholesome affairs -- pop stars lip-sync to their biggest hits, and cheerleaders twirl around while trying to ignore some of the drunkest pick-up lines ever shouted in a public place. But sometimes all the raging testosterone from the game bursts over to the halftime entertainment, resulting in secret dicks.
When Prince was asked to play the halftime slot of the 2007 Super Bowl, it remains unknown what kind of family fun the organizers expected from the human personification of sex froth. Viewers tuning in for a little taste of "Purple Rain" or "1999" were instead treated to a David Copperfield-esque magic silhouette curtain, specially lit to show the diminutive music legend jerking his guitar dick.
If only there had some way the NFL could have known Prince enjoyed sexual innuendo ...
That's the risk you take when hiring a man with more thrusting masculinity in his lithe elvish body than the whole defensive line. But a phallic faux pas can even happen with the nerdiest of all sporting entertainers: the marching band. To be sure, nothing is more erotic than a bunch of people dressed up like nutcrackers hammering out the Batman theme, but marching bands are generally tightly regimented paragons of discipline. Yet even they can break formation and fall face-first into a pile of accidental wangs. Like these rhythmic dweebs who wanted to celebrate their Kansas State team by recreating their beloved Jayhawk mascot next to the iconic Starship Enterprise ...
Kansas State Marching Band
... but ended up forming a fiercely erect cock angling towards a bird's open beak:
Boldly going where no man should go.