6 Hilariously Elaborate Ways People Cheated At Stuff

6

Pigeon Racing Is A Thing, And The Pigeons Are High On Cocaine

Pigeon racing is a deadly serious competition, so of course there are pigeon doping scandals.

The Pigeon Insider

A study conducted in 2013 by the Pigeon Fanciers Association in Belgium (hard to make fun of somebody when that's the name they choose for themselves) found that several of the birds tested had traces of Mobistix, an off-the-shelf painkiller. And if pigeons hopped up on pills aren't hilarious enough, one of the birds even tested positive for goddamn cocaine.

The sport has apparently had a culture of doping for decades, and the code of silence is serious. Whistleblowers decline to have their names published, for fear of retribution. That's right ... wait for it ... waaaiiit for iiiiit ...

They don't tolerate no stool pigeons.

5

Competitive Cyclists Use Anal Urine Condoms To Cheat

You know there's a doping problem in cycling. Even if you don't follow the sport, there was a pretty big media storm a while back about that Armstrong guy, who took human growth hormone and grew to enormous proportions, literally stomping his competition to death. Probably. We may have skimmed those stories a bit.

Actually, the reality of doping in cycling is almost as bizarre. One team found the hero it needed in Willy Voet. Voet was the "masseur" for team Festina in the Tour de France, but his massage skills weren't what made him so popular. Nobody can give you a massage so good that you win gold at the Tour de France. His more popular service was supplying his athletes with chemicals -- everything from caffeine to steroids to meth -- and coming up with creative ways to sneak them past the drug testers.

One trick was to fill a condom with clean urine, attach a tube to the condom, and camouflage the tube by gluing pubic hairs to it (eew?). After the race, when it was time to submit to drug testing, the cyclists would simply shove the condom right up their ass to make it nice and warm, and glue the tube into their full, untrimmed, 1980s bush. They could then deposit a sample of clean, drug-free pee, even while someone was watching. Other solutions involved flasks of other people's urine hidden in the armpits and various other body cavities. In one case, a cyclist's wife pretended to faint in order to distract the doctor while the cheater switched pee vials.

4

Professional Chess Players Go To Incredible Lengths To Cheat

Of all the board games, chess is the only one taken seriously as a "sport." The world championships for Battleship, or Connect Four, don't get nearly as much international news coverage. Given its level of prestige, it probably shouldn't be surprising that people go to great lengths to cheat at it. In 2015, Georgian Grandmaster Gaioz Nigalidze made frequent visits to the restrooms right before crucial moves. A search of the toilet revealed a smartphone and a headset, hidden behind the pan, and covered with toilet paper. Nigalidze denied that it belonged to him, but the tournament arbiters thought it was awfully suspicious that the phone was logged in to a chess-playing robot under his name, so they disqualified him.

In a 2015 tournament, 19-year-old Dhruv Kakkar beat several much higher-rated chess masters by using a contraption that would make Q proud. After one opponent became suspicious, Kakkar was frisked, revealing an elaborate setup involving two phones -- one taped to each ankle -- a speaker hidden in his ear, and spare batteries stuffed in his underwear.

chessbase.com

3

Two Lawyers Tried To Game The Legal System By Filming Porn And Suing Whoever Downloaded It

Porn is something almost everyone uses, but nobody pays for. So media producers will occasionally try to recoup their income by going after porn pirates in court. Between 2011 and 2014, a couple of lawyers decided to skip the middle man and just produce a bunch of porn themselves, put it on the internet, and sue anyone who downloaded it.

In the beginning, the scam run by attorneys John L. Steele and Paul R. Hansmeier involved buying up a lot of copyrights to porn movies, and putting those movies on file-sharing websites. They would then wait for someone to download the movies like a couple of litigious Wile E. Coyotes. Once that happened, they would subpoena service providers to give them the details of the downloaders, and threaten them for settlements.

2

Parents In India Scale School Walls To Help Their Kids Cheat At Tests

In the state of Bihar, India, cheating on school tests has become the world's most elaborate game of "the floor is lava."

Hindustan Times

Every year, exams in Bihar become a life-or-death affair, when parents literally scale the sides of school buildings in order to pass notes through the windows. Although this kind of thing is all technically against the law, local police just think of it as payday, since the bribes are so rampant. It's rare that anyone is actually charged for this behavior, and any attempts at cracking down on the situation have resulted in minor riots.

1

A Bar Built A Maze To Get Around A Poorly Written Zoning Law

In April of 2017, India passed a law stating that no business could serve alcohol within 500 meters of a highway. As you would imagine, an awful lot of bars, pubs, and liquor stores instantly went out of business. One bar, however, survived on a loophole -- the law specifies walking distance, not direct distance.

The owners of Aishwarya Bar shipped in a ton of wooden panels and built themselves an elaborate entryway that is, in effect, a half-mile-long maze. Since you now need to walk further than 500 meters from the road to enter the premises, the bar is still operating within the specified regulations.

Sasi Chandrika/The Guardian

According to the authorities, who no doubt quadruple-checked the legislation to make super-sure you could slip around a law with zany shenanigans, the whole situation is legal, though they do intend to fine the bar owners for "altering the entrance." Otherwise known as the "whatever, fuck you" compromise.

Aishwarya Bar will be allowed to continue to operate where it stands, although there's a natural catch -- after weaving your way in there and drinking half your weight in alcohol, you have to find your way back out again. Good luck!

For more ridiculous moments of breaking the rules, check out and The 5 Biggest Cheaters in Game Show History.

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