5 Classic Video Games That Were Almost Hilariously Different

This wasn't just some drunken idea scrawled on a bar napkin, either, but the actual character model that was used for an embarrassingly long time, lasting well into the testing phase.

Finally realizing that a character who looks like he sells crystal meth behind Showbiz Pizza probably wasn't the best hook to hang a franchise on, the designers eventually decided to dial back the facial hair and gave Gordon a tasteful dye job and a pair of glasses. The model can still be found deep within the game's code, though it can't be opened without a little computer wizardry and an insatiable desire to see a more terrible version of your favorite game.

Related: Half The Riders In Lord Of The Rings Were Bearded Women

In the planning stage, the designers weren't quite sure what these "harvesters" were going to look like, and the initial idea was to make them giant slugs. But the senior concept artist pointed out that it was hard to give the player a moral quandary about whether to spare a creature that most of us would beat to death with a barstool should we ever encounter it in real life.

Wisely realizing they needed the harvester to be something we could actually feel sorry for, they decided to try and come up with the most pathetic thing imaginable, a creative process that naturally resulted in a dog in a wheelchair.

An alternative design along these lines was a frog with a funnel stuck to its butt, a somewhat less obviously tragic creature, but one no less deserving of our pity:

And because to achieve greatness you have to be willing to try literally anything, humanoid chipmunks were also proposed:

Eventually, the design team landed on the idea of brainwashed little girls straight out of a Tim Burton movie about a magical orphanage. It's unclear whether they recognized this for the truly good idea it was, or merely chose the Little Sisters because they were the first idea that wasn't comically ridiculous. Either way, the Little Sisters clicked, and became one of the most iconic images from the BioShock series.

Related: 5 Tiny Animals That Deserve Their Own Horror Movie

Reportedly, the feature was canceled due to "insurmountable technical problems" -- even though it seemed to be working pretty well in E3 demonstrations. There is a rumor, unconfirmed though fairly convincing, that Rare scrapped the concept after deciding that it might be a feature that appealed exclusively to burgeoning murderers who are only kept in check by their inability to locate the keys to their parents' gun cabinet.

This decision was probably further influenced by the Columbine High School massacre, which occurred midway through the game's development. Selling a game to teenagers with a feature that allows them to shoot their friends seems like way less fun when a high school spree killing is dominating the news cycle. In any case, the cancellation is probably for the best, if only because it would inevitably have led to a multiplayer experience in which the player fights a bunch of enemies whose faces have been replaced by dicks and swastikas.

Related: 5 Things You Say Often With Horrible Historical Origins

Samus Aran, the main character of the Metroid series, is generally considered one of the first female playable characters in a video game, a Rubicon it took until 1986 for game developers to cross. Even then, the fact that she was female was originally nothing but an Easter Egg the player was rewarded with if they finished the game within a certain amount of time -- in a 10-second cut-scene, Samus strips off layers of bulky space marine armor to reveal a girl in a bra and panties! It may seem ridiculous, but who among us can say that they don't immediately remove their pants after coming home from a hard day at work?

When Super Metroid came out for the SNES, it was already well established among fans that Samus was a woman, so they couldn't really pull the same twist twice. What they did instead was have Samus explode out of her clothing during her death animation, revealing her fully nude body for just one frame.

In the 1990s, back when the only porn anyone could get their hands on was either secondhand magazines found in the woods or briefly visible snippets of scrambled Cinemax, this was the most erotic thing any videogame-playing youngster had ever seen.

According to the developers, they decided to replace Samus' nude death animation with one in which she was wearing a bathing suit, because "this sort of thing was terrible in America." Also, the developers probably (hopefully?) shuddered at the thought that countless sweaty-palmed teenagers would absolutely be masturbating to a single frame of a naked woman in the throes of violent death. Oh, and they said they had to replace the original audio clip of her dying because they had accidentally made it "too sexual." It is impossible to know if they're joking.

Related: 5 Plot Holes That Shatter Your Image Of Famous Games

But the first Street Fighter arcade machines, designed by Atari, featured just two gigantic buttons ("punch" and "kick"). The buttons were pressure-sensitive, meaning that the strength of your attack depended on how hard you could pound your fist on that button. Basically, you had to execute a precision test of strength every time you attempted to do a move. This is dangerously close to exercise, the antithesis of playing a videogame.

It may seem quaint and borderline adorable now, but back then, Capcom assumed that gamers were a delicate and casual bunch, not the obsessive controller-destroying savants they actually are. As a result of players repeatedly hammering their fists on the buttons as hard as they possibly could in desperate attempts to topple the gigantically naked Sagat, arcades found themselves facing a high turnover of broken cabinets (and presumably, fractured wrists).

In response, Capcom redesigned the game with the six-button system that has become standard today, one that favors precision rather than physical strength. Ironically, the injuries sustained while trying to hammer out combinations on the original Street Fighter arcade cabinet is closer to being in an actual fight than most gamers of the 1980s ever got.

When not obsessing over pointless pop culture trivia, Henrik Magnusson also enjoys harassing the Internet with his comics. You can also go bug him on Twitter or Tumblr .

Also check out 6 Popular Games That Were Meant to Be Totally Different and The 6 Worst Ideas Nearly Included In Great Video Games.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 7 Video Game Puzzles That Made No !@$&ing Sense, and other videos you won't see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and let's be best friends forever.