The 6 Worst Ideas Nearly Included in Great Video Games

You don't think of video games as having "deleted scenes," but stuff gets cut from games at the last minute, the same as with movies. The difference is that once a scene is cut from a movie, you'll never see it unless they choose to throw it onto a DVD. Cutting scenes from games isn't so easy, so the code is usually lurking around in there for you to find, if it's not sitting right out in the open in some early or foreign edition of the game. This can lead to bizarre discoveries in games we thought we knew well, like ...

#6. EarthBound Had a Naked Level

EarthBound is the gift that keeps on giving. We've talked before about how this cutesy-looking RPG for Super Nintendo is all about abortion, and how it murders the soul of whoever tries to pirate it, but there's one thing we haven't mentioned yet -- the hidden child nudity.

Americans would have given him a massive erection, twice the size of the rest of his body.

That's Ness, EarthBound's protagonist (who also appears in the Super Smash Bros. series), wearing his classic red hat and nothing else. This is from the Japanese version of the game, originally called Mother 2, and it's not some mistake with the colors where he's just supposed to be wearing a flesh-colored jumpsuit -- it's an area in the game known as Magicant, and whenever Ness goes there, his clothes instantly vanish. He just goes around showing his butt to everyone.

The U.S. version got around this by giving Ness some pajamas:

Notice how the voyeuristic rabbit quickly loses interest in the second scenario.

But why the hell would Japan do this in the first place, besides, you know, because it's Japan? Well, in both versions of the game, an old man explains to Ness that Magicant is actually a world he created inside his mind; apparently in Japan, nudity symbolizes purity, so Ness' soul self or whatever is always nude (even though all the other characters still have their clothes on).

There's something so unsettling about the shape of that snowman in this scene.

In the U.S., however, public nudity just symbolizes jail time, so they had to change the game.

#5. The Legend of Zelda Could Be Played by Screaming

Yes, there were enemies in the original Legend of Zelda that required you to scream them to death. The removal of this feature is the only reason an entire generation of NES consoles were not bashed to pieces by angry dads wielding claw hammers.

You can still see the remnants of this feature in the final game. The original 8-bit Legend of Zelda included one of the most misleading enemies ever, called Pols Voice. They were a pain in the ass, but they had one huge weakness, according to the game. It hints that they have huge ears, they have "voice" in their name, and even the instruction manual says they hate loud noises ...

If the monsters in the game really looked like that, this would be an 8-bit Silent Hill.

So what killed them? Arrows. Making Link create noises doesn't do shit. You could play that goddamn flute thing until your "B" button fell off, but those things would still ... do whatever it is they're supposed to be doing that kills you. Poison or something.

Razor-sharp whiskers?

So what's the deal? As we've briefly mentioned before, the Japanese NES included a microphone built into the second controller. In that version of the game, Pols Voice were immune to arrows. Originally, to kill these enemies, you had to scream into that microphone, like an 8-bit version of a Skyrim dragon shout. In fact, one yell could wipe out a whole room of them, as demonstrated by this video:

Since no one else got those microphones, Nintendo had to drop the feature for international markets, and apparently didn't have time or didn't think of changing the instruction manual. You know, because those things were normally so accurate anyway.

And speaking of weird things cut from Zelda games ...

#4. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time Let You Destroy a Star Fox Spaceship

The big draw of the Super Smash Bros. series was that, for the first time ever, Nintendo's most famous characters finally got together and beat the shit out of one another (without karts). However, one year before the first Smash Bros. game came out, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time included this (deleted) cross-franchise battle:

That's an Arwing spaceship from the futuristic Star Fox game series flying around in the not-so-futuristic world of The Legend of Zelda. It even shoots lasers at you, complete with sci-fi sound effects ...

Something tells us a wooden shield ain't gonna cut it this time, Link.

... and, if you manage to hit it enough times with the slingshot or the boomerang, it comes crashing down and explodes.

"I stand erect, bathing in the flaming blood of my enemy."

This isn't something some hacker put there: The Arwing was in the game's programming all along. You just never saw it because the developers made sure it didn't spawn anywhere. However, you can still come across it through glitches or by using cheating devices, thus allowing you to pretend the Ocarina of Time is malfunctioning and transporting random stuff from a distant animal-ruled future.

So why did Nintendo put it there if they didn't want anyone to find it? As far as we can tell, the Arwing was added to test the physics for a flying dragon boss in the game -- they just lifted it straight out of Star Fox 64 and based the dragon's behavior on it, minus the part where it shoots lasers (for some reason). Or, you can make up your own story, about how Link and Fox McCloud had a beef over some old gambling debts, or perhaps a stripper they both knew.

Maybe those chickens were his to begin with?

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