Look, we get it. It's getting so you can't run out for a pumpkin pie spice latte without missing a few dozen earth-shattering news stories. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).

Department of Justice halts Dakota Access Pipeline Amid Protests

Source: NFL News

Fox settles sexual harassment lawsuit with Gretchen Carlson

Source: Vanity Fair

ITT Tech closed all its campuses

Source: ITT Website

Ruthless Records founder Jerry Heller dies at 75

Source: CNN, TMZ, TMZ

Russian river turns red

Senate fails to pass zika virus bill

Source: WPTV

Apple is developing Supermariorun for iOS

Source: TechCrunch

Drake's tour bus burglarized

Source: ABC News

Dani Mathers faces six months in jail for body shaming

Obama cancels meeting with Philippine president Duterte

Obama nominates first Muslim American to serve as a federal judge

Source: PBS News

Wells Fargo fined for opening fraudulent accounts

Think Today Was Crazy?

Wait 'til you hear about the moments in history you missed! Get a new story sent directly to your inbox every day! No ads, no videos, just your daily shot of Cracked. Sign up now!

Forgot Password?