The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (9/13)

Look, we get it. It's getting so you can't run out for a pumpkin pie spice latte without missing a few dozen earth-shattering news stories. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).