Few other jobs require you to jeopardize all your professional relationships just to apply. But hey, that's what it takes to be president.
You Have To Keep Raising Money After You Lose
The worst news of all for presidential losers is that their campaign bills don't disappear after America tells them to fuck off. Running a campaign requires millions of dollars in signs, transportation, ads, consulting services, and, most importantly, ugly-ass hats and ugly-ass wine glasses. And the people who provide those services and stuff expect to be paid, even after you've been told to take your signs and go home. In fact, the government doesn't consider the campaign technically over until the debt is paid off.
And you thought Visa and MasterCard could fuck up your shit?
Things might be looking rosy for Hillary Clinton this year, but it took her four years to finish paying off the $12 million in debt from her 2008 campaign. Newt Gingrich still owes over $4 million to people who helped him run for president in 2012. At age 73, we're guessing he's going to let the clock run out on those bills.
Governor Scott Walker immediately started panhandling to pay off the $1.2 million he accrued in bills during his three months of running for president. Have you ever wondered why recently defeated candidates will turn around and bust butts for their opponents? It's because the losers are still in fundraising mode and their best chance of getting the slate wiped clean lies with the headliner, aka the guy who's going to get the nomination. Which is why we saw Donald Trump hold a fundraiser for his old nemesis, Chris Christie.
The Wall Street Journal
Christie doesn't want to be vice president. He just wants the loan sharks to spare his legs.
One thing is certain: If Donald Trump loses, he won't be in that much debt. Ten of his top staff members, some of whom would earn six figures working for anyone else, haven't been paid yet. And if The Donald has proven anything, it's that he can walk away from any financial disaster completely unscathed.
If you're feeling sympathetic toward losers now, give @M_Hossey a follow on Twitter.
Also check out 6 Weirdly Specific Things That Screw All 2nd Term Presidents and 6 Bizarre Factors That Predict Every Presidential Election.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out Why Michelle Obama Could Be President, and other videos you won't see on the site!
Also, follow us on Facebook. Or don't. It won't hurt our feelings. We promise.