Super Dark Deleted Scenes You Won't Believe Existed At All
Length, pacing, accidental nudity -- there are a lot of reasons a director might cut a scene from a movie. Sometimes cutting scenes can save a movie from epic stupidity. Sometimes cutting scenes can deprive the audience of epic badassery. And sometimes cutting scenes can save these films from plunging into a bottomless hole of sadness. Holes like these ...
The Brutal Secret Behind The Predators In Zootopia
With its world of predators and prey living side by side, Zootopia is, depending on who you talk to, either a surprisingly blunt take on racism and prejudice or Disney's attempt to court that coveted furry moviegoer demographic. And even though the film is willing to tackle adult themes, there is a much darker version lurking in the shadows. Earlier versions of the film had a substantial plotline that explained just how it was the predator and prey animals could live side by side. It involved shock therapy.
We'll summarize, for the video impaired: During a birthday/bar-mitzvah-looking party for a little boy bear, an incredibly uncomfortable Papa bear places a shock collar around his son's neck.
"The safe word is 'SHIT, JESUS, OW!'"
It turns out that all predator animals wear these collars, which shock them when their primal instincts kick in. Which happens within seconds to poor Baby Bear, who turns and gives his father the most devastatingly injured look you've ever seen. They hug, but man, what hug can fix that?
"You better hibernate with one eye open, old man."
Who the flying fudge thought this was a good idea? A community takes the children of its most marginalized people (predators are a minority in Zootopia) and injects jolts of electricity into their faces? That sucks. We suck for even considering it. We are, all of us, monsters, and to make up for it, should all go out and hug the first bear we see.
Superman Sometimes Just Ignores Humanity
Without wanting to reveal too much, a key plot point of Batman V Superman involves Superman's adoptive mom, Martha Kent, getting momnapped by Lex Luthor in an excessively elaborate attempt to blackmail Supes into murdering the Dark Knight.
Which seems unnecessary. It doesn't take much to get these guys tussling..
But Superman can hear everything! And he can see through walls! And crap!
Not literally, but also, yes literally!
So how come he doesn't even try to zip around the city using all his extraterrestrial enhancements to find his momma? Turns out, he totally did, in a deleted scene anyway. According to the film's director, Superman was meant to search the city for his missing mother, only to become overwhelmed by the pain and trauma he could hear all around him. It was our fault, apparently, his mother's cries drowned out by all of our violent and stupid tomfoolery.
"Sorry, Mom, I couldn't hear you over the people crying about comic book movies."
And that's sad, but it's not even the worst bit. Because, as the director explains, this implies something pretty dark about Superman. Unable to find his mom, Superman sets off to cave in Batman's chest, ignoring the pleas for help that were just overwhelming him. It also implies Superman does this all the time; he can't be everywhere at once, which means he must ignore people's cries all the time.
And even for a movie as unrelentingly dark as BVS, that's a little bit of a downer.
Captain America Is A Sad Old Man
Steve Rogers was frozen for 70 years, missing out on the Vietnam War, 9/11, and parachute pants. Also, perhaps more pressingly, the death of everyone he knew and loved. Which would make you sad, right? That'd make us sad.
Not Cap, though, at least not from what we see in The Avengers, the first film that takes place after he wakes up. Because that film needs a lot of screen time to blowing shit up, there wasn't a ton of time to dwell on heartache, which means Cap doesn't even get an '80s-style montage of running on the beach or pounding on Russians to work through his issues.
But it wasn't always going to be that way, and some deleted scenes fill in his sad, sad story. First, there's a scene where Rogers sits in a darkened room reading about all his dead friends.
In an even more deleted scene, he kisses each and every one of these pages.
Another series of deleted scenes show Cap, without a friend left in the world, wandering around New York, sitting alone in cafes, and even aimlessly taking train rides around like a crazy person.
Thinking: "I should tell these people I hail from the distant past."
It's sad. Cap is lonely. It's probably for the best that these scenes were cut, serving as they do as a stark reminder that we are all ourselves one glacier-related accident away from our own life of despair and heartache.
Where The Heck Does Fabrizio Go In Titanic?
"Fabriziwho?" you might ask. Well, Fabrizio is Jack's rakish friend and partner who boards the doomed vessel with him in the opening scenes. Heck, he's right there alongside Jack during one of the most memorable scenes in the movie.
"Draw me like one of your French girls!"
But as soon as Jack gets caught up chasing Rose, we pretty much never see Fabrizio again. He doesn't completely disappear, of course. There's that scene where a fucking smokestack lands on him.
Screw you, Fabrizio.
But maybe that's a blessing. Because in some deleted scenes we see that, before it happened to his head, Fabrizio first had his heart crushed. It starts with a blonde beauty named Helga. She actually shows up later in the film, in this scene where Rose locks eyes with a panicked woman seconds before she plummets to her death. But in some deleted scenes, while Jack is doing his charcoal drawings with Rose, we get to watch Fabrizio chat her up. And she's into it.
"Draw me like one of your Sardinian girls."
OK, she's not that into it. Because when the iceberg-shaped shit hits the fan, Helga fairly quickly decides to part ways with Fabrizio.
There are some meddlesome grandparents involved, but she didn't exactly put up much of a fight.
Which meant that unlike his good friend Jack, poor Fabrizio wasn't doomed to just die -- but die alone. That makes getting annihilated by a smokestack look almost ... actually, no. That giant killer smokestack stings quite a bit more now.
The Broken Family Lurking Behind Mrs. Doubtfire's Antics
It's not a giant leap to say the only reason Mrs. Doubtfire's insane stalker plot actually works is because Robin Williams was an affable ball of falsettos and back hair. If someone tried a stunt like that in the real world, their parental rights would be revoked, they'd get a restraining order (if not jail time), and would suffer incredible chafing issues.
So much hair, barely contained.
But let's set aside the cross-dressing and facial-hair issues for a second and remember this is a movie about a couple going through an acrimonious divorce in front of their kids. Mrs. Doubtfire doesn't ignore this, exactly, but it is very much set up as a comedy. But as we can see from some deleted scenes, the filmmakers considered taking it in a more dramatic direction.
There are a couple scenes here; the first has the whole family going to Lydia's spelling bee -- with dad dressed as dad this time. Now, getting a divorced couple into the same room together is tough enough without the intensity of a spelling bee added to the mix, and sure enough the pair come to verbal blows in the middle of the competition. Lydia either becomes distracted by her parents' fighting and misspells a word or throws the competition intentionally, forever ruining her chances of getting into college or building a happy life. So, yeah, not great parenting all around.
The second deleted scene is, somehow, grimmer. In this one, the children overhear a full-on screaming match.
They're, uh, they're not taking it too well.
This fun scene ends with Lydia screaming at her parents that she hates them both and the other two running off in tears. And although that's a pretty damned realistic portrayal of the impact a divorce can have on kids, you can see why this was cut. It'd be pretty jarring to go back to a light-hearted penis-tucking scene scored to an Aerosmith song after this.
Jar Jar Binks Fucks Everything Up
Jar Jar Binks is a divisive figure for a few reasons. There's his voice and his strained hijinks and every other aspect of his character. Basically no one likes him, which is probably why his role in the Star Wars prequels diminishes after The Phantom Menace. But he does still have a part in the following films, most notably in Attack Of The Clones, where in his role as Backup Senator, he's hilariously manipulated into giving the most obviously evil man in the galaxy unlimited power.
Jar Jar is almost completely absent from the last film, Revenge Of The Sith, though he had a much more substantial role in the original script. In a deleted scene, a freshly empowered Palpatine thanks Jar Jar for handing him the galaxy on a platter. The scene was cut, because someone finally realized how preposterous it was to even think of Jar Jar working as a politician.
Also they needed to save time for a 45-minute lightsaber battle.
But we almost wish the movie had kept the scene, simply to see the look on Jar Jar's face. Think about it. Imagine his expression when he realizes he was manipulated, realizes he had no business being a politician, and sees the consequences of his own bungling. Just picture that look of despair and self-disgust he'd have as he finally understands how the audience and entire galaxy has felt about him the whole time.
Look at that sad rabbit-eared fuck.
Now you know, Jar Jar. Now you know. You've done a mooey mooey terrible thing, Jar Jar.
If you thought that was sad, you should see Carolyn's Twitter.
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