With physical media on the decline and Blockbuster Video locations magically transforming into Blockbuster-shaped toilets for homeless people, DVDs are now basically fancy drink coasters that you stupidly paid $30 for. That's too bad, if for no other reason than the loss of the "deleted scenes" feature.
Most of the time, these scenes are nothing but inconsequential little things, like Tom Cruise running down a hallway or Jim Carrey doing five less-funny takes than the one that wound up in the final movie. But other times, they are oddly inappropriate moments which prove that the right cut can save a whole movie. Or at least, save a lot of viewers from turning to their date and saying, "Wait, did that just happen?"
6Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan -- A Toddler Gets Exploded
The Wrath Of Khan is one of the highlights of the Star Trek series, managing to be fresh, dramatic, and exciting, despite the fact that 90 percent of its cast are secretly wearing girdles. However, it's hard to imagine the movie being as beloved as it is today if, instead of being known as "the one where Spock dies" (30-year-old spoilers!), it was "the one with the baby-killing plotline."
Couldn't they at least make it an ugly baby?
We all know that it's mentioned in the movie that the villainous Khan had a wife who died. But originally, it went further than that: he had an adorable baby son, too. We can cut Khan some slack for being so wrathful, then, since as any new parent can attest, babies can be really stressful. Especially since Khan was clearly breastfeeding.
Though we're not sure how, since genetically-engineered supermen apparently have no nipples.
Craziest of all, the film's finale almost involved the baby getting blown up. As Khan is all but beaten, he activates the Genesis device, which creates a new planet in a huge explosion. Unfortunately, the bright lights of the device are basically a Fisher Price toy to little Khan Jr., who crawls towards it. The device explodes, destroying the ship, the baby, and the heart of every Trekkie who mainly loved the show for never brutally killing infants.
That scene was actually shot, but the filmmakers eventually came to their senses and deleted it so hard that only a few stills remain.
The "Scotty with Burn-A-Baby Action Play Set" toy was cancelled, too.
How depressing would it be to end a Star Trek movie not only with Spock getting irradiated to death, but also with a fucking baby exploding? Then there's the fact that it would have been pretty hard to cheer for Kirk as he tirelessly spends the movie trying to destroy a ship with a toddler on it. This is why George Lucas didn't write a scene where the Death Star has a daycare center, and there was no moment where Mad Max noticed a "BABY ON BOARD" sign hanging from Immortan Joe's windshield. No one wants to see a movie where the hero is constantly trying to harm a baby, unless it's some sort of Wayans Bros. scenario.
5The Santa Clause -- Santa Jokes About Phone Sex (Causing Kids To Call A Real Sex Line)
Walt Disney Pictures
Disney's The Santa Clause has somehow become a beloved Christmas staple, confusing a generation over the correct spelling of "Santa Claus" and proving that ex-cons can play Santa in places other than your local mall. The legacy of the movie was almost tarnished by this scene, however:
In an early version of the film, Tim Allen's character (who eventually goes on to kill/become Santa) is talking to his ex-wife, who gives him the number to her mother-in-law's house, where she'll be spending Christmas. Not one to shy away from the untapped comedy gold that is mother-in-law jokes, Allen hilariously reads the number as "1-800-SPANK-ME" and follows it up with "I know that number."
To be clear, this is a Disney movie implying that the guy who becomes Santa Claus regularly masturbates to strangers over the phone.
Walt Disney Pictures
That's not fake snow in those Christmas stockings.
We're now picturing an elf trying to explain to a little kid that he's not getting that toboggan he asked for because Santa spent all of the toy money talking to Crystal and Tiffani at $4.99 per minute. Oh, but that's not why the scene was cut. Unlike the other examples in this article, this one actually made it to the theatrical and original VHS versions. The problem was that a number of kids were smart enough to phone 1-800-SPANK-ME (which was rerouted to 1-900-SPANK-ME), but dumb enough to think that the employees of a sex hotline might know how to contact Santa. And rather than saying "Nope, no magical bearded men here," the operators were happy to keep the kids on the line, judging by the fact that two nine-year-old girls managed to rack up over $500 in charges.
Walt Disney Pictures
It helped that most of the "horny ladies dying to talk to you" probably look like this.
In order to prevent more headaches (and getting the shit sued out of them), Disney deleted the scene from all future versions of the film, and resisted the urge to make The Santa Clause 2: How To Steal Daddy's Credit Card And Subscribe To HotLesbianCoeds.com.