Bigfoot Looked Hilarious In Early Descriptions
We've all seen the blurry, ape-like form of the mysterious Bigfoot, but according to the earliest witnesses, he looked, well ... a little different. He apparently wore a suit and tie, for instance, and had a fabulous mullet.
Ivan T. Sanderson
Excuse us, she. "Witness" Albert Ostman was very explicit in his description to the artist that this was the female Bigfoot, having apparently gotten close enough to determine genital configuration. It's a very important distinction which the artist had to correct in his book on the topic, which was later made much clearer in the statues made from his drawings. That is, they gave her a bad wig.
Make Bigfoot Great Again
In fact, Ostman allegedly encountered an entire family of Bigfoot (Bigfoots? Bigfeet?) in 1924 -- a mama Bigfoot, a papa Bigfoot, and two Littlefoots. They dragged him in his sleeping bag from the woods one night for some reason, then kept him prisoner in their cottage until, presumably after sitting in all their chairs and tasting all their porridge, he escaped after tricking Papa Bigfoot into eating an entire tin of snuff. Because Bigfoots are apparently Looney Tunes.