The archangel Michael? That's Robert Baratheon. The Beast with the number 666 is Daenerys and her dragons. The savior rallying the people behind his father's name is a resurrected Jon Snow-cum-Targaryen, and the "new song" he sings is "the Song of Ice and Fire," presumably to entertain himself as he "rule[s] all the nations with an iron scepter" ... or maybe an Iron Throne.
So, using Revelation 12-19 as our spoiler thread, what should we expect from here on out? A surprisingly coherent conclusion to Game Of Thrones, if you can believe it. Westeros will be hit by seven plagues -- we're guessing war, grayscale, the mean shitting plague that Daenerys encounters, and one or two venereal diseases will make that list -- until Jon shows up, "clean and white" save for a cloak "dipped in blood" (the Night's Watch cloak in which his brothers profusely aerated him). Then he'll lead "the armies which were in heaven" (the undead White Walkers) upon white horses (or maybe ice dragons) and defeat Daenerys's eastern forces with the help of the zombie corps. There's your final twist: The White Walkers turn out to be the resurrected righteous, Daenerys the power-hungry evil that must be overthrown. Sounds like the kind of shit Martin would pull.
Jacopo is the author of License To Quill, a James-Bond-esque spy thriller starring William Shakespeare and Guy Fawkes during the Gunpowder Plot, so please click here to own it now!
Deep inside us all -- behind our political leanings, our moral codes, and our private biases -- there is a cause so colossally stupid that we surprise ourselves with how much we care. Whether it's toilet paper position, fedoras on men, or Oxford commas, we each harbor a preference so powerful we can't help but proselytize to the world. In this episode of the Cracked podcast, guest host Soren Bowie is joined by Cody Johnston, Michael Swaim, and comedian Annie Lederman to discuss the most trivial things we will argue about until the day we die. Get your tickets here!
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