The resulting infection is known as ophthalmomyiasis, which is pronounced "God is a bastard." Thankfully, the baby bot flies don't go after tissue, instead being content to writhe around in your ocular orbit, drinking your eye juice. Drinking. And writhing.
And now that you won't be blinking ever again, allow us to point your ever-staring eyeballs to the Congo floor maggot:
Amedeo John Engel Terzi
And now stare at your floor. Forever. In case they come.
Resembling the unholy love child of a bedbug and a leech, the Congo floor maggot thrives in the dirt floors of huts in sub-Saharan Africa. By day, the larvae bury themselves, and by night, they emerge and use their minuscule fangs to latch onto the hut's inhabitants and guzzle blood like ticks. Luckily, they're found only in areas where dirt floors and sleeping mats are common, and they can be easily thwarted by a little invention known as the bedpost.
We also feel it's important to note that once a Congo floor maggot outgrows its bloodsucking phase, its primary diet shifts from human blood to ... human poo. So take comfort in the fact that, no matter how horrific they are in life, it's still a fly's inescapable destiny to eat s**t and die.
What do Chuck Norris, Liam Neeson in Taken, and the Dos Equis guy have in common? They're all losers compared to some of the actual badasses from history whom you know nothing about. Come out to the UCB Sunset for another LIVE podcast, April 9 at 7:00 p.m., where Jack O'Brien, Michael Swaim, and more will get together for an epic competition to find out who was the most hardcore tough guy or tough gal unfairly relegated to the footnotes of history. Get your tickets here!
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