Seeing as how the most big-hearted politician's agenda can be derailed by their own roaring dumbassery, common sense dictates that we citizens temper our expectations of our government overlords. The best traits we can ask for are stuff like, "She has nice handwriting ... for a person ... from Illinois."
Of course, we're talking about normal public officials here. There's also that special breed of government employee who's so unilaterally bugfuck that they don't simply wipe their asses with the social contract -- they make prolonged, unflinching eye contact with you while they're doing so. We mean people like ...
Mayor Uses Instagram To Brag About How Corrupt She Is
Lidiane Leite's rags-to-stolen-riches story begins with a humble girl selling milk door-to-door in one of the poorest municipalities in Brazil, Bom Jardim. Then something amazing happened! The milk maid's boyfriend was barred from running for mayor (because of allegations of corruption), and Leite ran in his place. And she won! Mayor Milk Seller got right to work turning her poverty-stricken town into a thriving community reinvigorated with youth and more calcium than anyone could ask for.
TV Mirante Sao Luis
"Anyone caught using soy milk will be executed on the spot."
Right off the bat, Leite delegated the day-to-day work to her boyfriend (who legally couldn't be mayor after accusations of, again, corruption), moved four hours away to a much richer city called Sao Luis, and ordered her staff around via fucking WhatsApp. Yes, an app. Imagine how quickly we'd scream for impeachment if the president texted his way through a single cabinet meeting while living it up in Key West.
Mark Wallheiser/Getty Images News/Getty Images
He can't even bare his toes without somebody giving him shit, remember?
And oh, did she ever live it up. A typical Leite work day involved hot parties, expensive cars, fine clothing, top-of-the-line champagne, and flooding Instagram with trolling, braggadocious selfies showing off how rich she was. She even captioned one photo with, "I can buy whatever I want, I'm going to spend money on what I want, and I don't care what people say about me." As far as inspirational political quotes go, it's not quite "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself," but it's a start.
"We shall #NoFilter on the beaches; we shall keep it 100 on the landing grounds;
we shall duck face in the fields and in the streets; we shall never be off fleek."