For the first three years, there was uninterrupted peace. In 1932, however, racial tensions finally exploded, and one of the black bears was violently drowned and eaten by the polar bears. Then it happened again. And again. In each instance, it was the same method: A black bear would either tumble or be pushed into the water and, almost immediately, a gang of polar bears would pile on and drown the poor bastard. And then eat the poor bastard. In front of everyone at the zoo. If you can't visualize this, by the way, here's a hilariously cute rendering of one incident.
The Milwaukee Journal
"Try saying 'Pepsi is better' now, motherfucker."
When asked to explain why the polar bears were killing their black cousins, Heller wrote the deaths off as nothing more than playful accidents. His solution? Do absolutely nothing at all and hope the black bears learn to stop hanging out around the pool. Even after the black bears were removed from the enclosure, the polar posse would still maul black bear cubs whenever they so much as peeked through the bars of their cages ... and the zoo's reaction continued to essentially be, "Oh, those rascally bears and their bear games."
The Hilarious(ly Sad) Career Of Victor The Wrestling Bear
Speaking of bear games, how much money would it take to get you to wrestle a bear? Would the prize have to be child-sized? Adult-sized? The Burj Khalifa of money piles? It might shock you to learn that during the 1970s, people were so burned out by gas shortages and Vietnam that they'd willingly volunteer for bear fights. Enter Victor the Wrestling Bear.
"Victor is on the right"? Sick burn, Indiana Pacers.
An Alaskan brown bear, Victor was the wonder of the tundra, the lord of the forest, and a wacky diversion in the ring. With a fight record incomparable to any professional wrestler -- estimates range from anywhere between 2,000 and 50,000 wins, because after a certain number of bear fights you stop keeping track -- he fought volunteers in venues ranging from sports events to country fairs and can go down in history as the only living thing to (reportedly) kick Clint Eastwood's ass. Also included: the asses of Lee Marvin, Roddy Piper, Jim LeClair, and Chuck "Rocky Balboa" Wepner. And when he wasn't mauling drunken soccer moms or celebrities, he'd fight his trainer/manager, Tuffy Truesdell. His prize? Coke. We'll let your imagination run wild thinking about what type.
He may be an odd curiosity now, but in the '60s and '70s Victor was actually a minor celebrity, appearing on Johnny Carson's show, doing a movie with Eastwood, and being briefly involved with Cybill Shepherd .
Victor's compulsive need to wrestle people ultimately doomed the relationship.
However, by the 1980s the attitude toward bear wrestling began changing, mainly because of the whole "it's actually torture to them" thing -- Victor was heavily sedated and muzzled for each fight, as well as declawed and defanged. But, hey, at least his exit from the ring spared him from the ignoble fate of state fairs and local banquet halls afforded to most aging pro wrestlers. Although we would love to see him in a direct-to-DVD movie with Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Adam would like to thank Anita Serwacki and Cyriaque Lamar for inspiring this article, an awesome lunch, and teaching him more than he ever wanted to know about walrus self-pleasure. He can be contacted via email at email@example.com.
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